The Drake Album

Man, shit is very very real now.


Current temperatures are in the low 30’s and I am still bae-less.


In September I wrote two blog posts about this new Drake album “Nothing Was The Same” (both of which should be read to truly understand this one). In both posts I thoroughly explained the struggle a single individual would experience once this Drake album came through Dre Beats all across the nation. I explained in detail the depths of despair that a young man like myself would go through being single during this, a cuffing season like only one before, began. The previous of course being when Take Care came through and ruined every man’s chances of getting with a girl that was still in the least bit of communications with her ex. Anyway, I let you motherfuckas know how crazy shit would get and guess what? I was right.


I saw the first snowflake fall from my apartment window last month as I raised the heat by 15 degrees to make up for the body heat a lovely young lady would provide. Girls I had talked to in the past were already all over Instagram frolicking with their new men that were all around my height and these motherfuckers even one-upped me by having full and defined chin straps (a clear sign of disrespect). AND THEN, these chicks, knowing damn well I spend a decent amount of time scrolling this damn timeline, wanna go and post NWTS lyrics as the captions. You have got to be kidding me.


Man, I was in the club the other week and I was disgusted at what I saw. A whole bunch of people pretending they would rather be single as if it isn't 30-fucking-degrees outside. Being single is only cool in above 60 degree weather. And to make shit very much worse, you got Drake out here deciding to drop 4 more songs before New Year’s when I have a heat bill to pay. Shit gets very cold in this 4 bedroom people, believe me. I went to the supermarket the other day to buy shit for my apartment (milk and cereal because I cant cook) and mannn that trip was lonely as FUCK.


So now that those songs on NWTS like “Started” and “Pound Cake” got old to me, I’m stuck listening to the cuffing season anthems like From Time while cuffing this Bacardi. And as if being single couldn’t get any wacker, Beyoncé & Hov wanna drop 2 songs together this year. Best believe that “Drunk in Love” track ain't coming nowhere near my Dre Beats.




I’m still waiting on my pretty woman with a cracked iPhone screen that likes Starbucks to come through and save the day because damnit I'm almost done denying the fact that "From Time" is a great fuckin song. I need company on these trips to the supermarket or else I ain't going no more. She needs to think I’m the funniest man of all time too because all the good jokes she gon hear for the foreseeable future will come from my mouth. (My girl ain’t chilling with nobody funnier than me. Fuck that).