BLACK MEN: RICHARD & I

Introduction

Even the way I was introduced to Black Boy by Richard Wright would affirm my later disposition of the world I lived in. I was introduced to the novel through a short story version that my eleventh-grade class read together. This short story was of the part of Black Boy in which Richard, at age nine, is hanging out outside of the local saloon and being offered liquor by the patrons and being paid to say expletives that a child should never say. As a class, we read this story, did a quick analysis, and moved on; however, this story meant so much more to me. It was the first time I was able to read a story in school in which the protagonist was a Black boy like me. Even though the excerpt was in my opinion, an irresponsible representation of the plot and meaning of the entire book, as well as perpetuating the idea that Black people and especially children are especially irresponsible, it sparked my interest. I wrote my research paper that year on Black Boy. What I learned, especially in that first reading of Richard Wright’s novel, was that this book would affirm my identity like no other piece of literature ever had.

Identity is the most crucial aspect of human life. Without knowing who we are, we cannot interact with the world or its other inhabitants as our most genuine selves. Until we figure out what it is that shapes our identity and who we are as individuals, we are playing a role that was handed to us by the society in which we were born. In this essay, I intend to show and prove the benefits of reading canonical texts at multiple points through one’s life if those canonical texts speak to the experiences of the reader. Using autoethnography and reader response, I intend to show this through my own experiences with Richard Wright’s Black Boy.

There is no novel that I can give more credit to for whom I have become as a Black man than Black Boy by Richard Wright. I read Black Boy for the first time in the eleventh grade, at age sixteen, and it shook up my entire world. I read Black Boy two additional times when I was twenty-three and twenty-seven years old, and both times, the book had the same effect. In his work, “Black Boy Revisited: Richard Wright’s Harbingers of Transracial Worldview,” English professor at Kent State University, Mamoun Alzoubi states, “Black Boy functions as a political involvement to help make the invisible visible. It denaturalizes the social and points up its historicity.” (Alzoubi 179) The first time I read Black Boy, it did just that. It made me feel visible. Before reading the book, I was convinced that my experiences would never be validated by canonical reading. I had read The Catcher in The Rye and Of Mice and Men, but neither had any effect on me. I read those from afar, and the experiences of the protagonist in those novels couldn’t have been any further from my own. As a Black boy raised in the predominantly white Stoughton, Massachusetts, I felt and had been validated by the curriculum that my Black experience didn’t belong in the classroom and perhaps, it was something best kept to me personally. Then Black Boy came along and showed me that there was a crime being committed upon me and that it was not by any particular individual or group of individuals. This crime was being perpetrated by the system and society in which I was born that would continue to try and convince me that my experiences were illegitimate at every step of my development. It would also, without blatantly saying so but through numerous insinuations, tell me that I should appreciate the fact that I am not living a lower middle class or poor experience like the vast majority of my race. Legendary poet and activist Amiri Baraka once said “Wright was one of the people that made me conscious of the need to struggle.” (Sherman) Wright also taught me about that need. Throughout my multiple readings of Black Boy, my understanding of that need to struggle shifted as I further understood Wright’s journey as I experienced similar circumstances in my own life.

As I did when I first read Black Boy, seeing oneself reflected through canonical literature can provide an energizing experience for marginalized students that no amount of mentor programs of tokenism can bring. My world shook when I read Black Boy because when reading Richard’s story and his innermost thoughts, it felt as if there I was. Richard’s logic made sense to me in so many ways, and being able to defend it with my classmates, I was able to shield my ideology and my experiences in a way that no other class discussion previously had given me the chance to do. Being a young Black man with goals that exceeded anything the people around you had ever seen before is tough position to be in given the glass ceiling our race is often subjected to. The seed that the book planted allowed me to revisit the novel after I finished college, and in that reading, I was able to make sense of my young adult experience dealing with the workforce and finally being out on my own. Four years later, at age twenty-seven, I found time to read Black Boy for the third time and in that reading grew a complete understanding of Wright’s Marxist beliefs that only years in toiling in multiple entry-level positions can bring. These three readings, all happening at the perfect time in my life, allowed me to understand both Richard Wright and myself fully.

The benefits of diverse canonical reading do not only lie with marginalized communities; however white students also have an immense amount to gain; especially as critical race theory is not introduced in the school curriculum. As Wright writes in Black Boy:

“It was in the psychological distance that separated the races that the deepest meaning of the problem of the Negro lay for me. For these poor, ignorant white girls to have understood my life would have meant nothing short of a vast revolution in theirs. And I was convinced that what they needed to make them complete and grown-up in their living, was the inclusion in their personalities of a knowledge of lives such as I lived and suffered containedly.” (Wright 303)

To be able to understand the lives of your peers through diverse canonical reading is beneficial to the society as a whole as each individual broadens their scope of what exactly life consists of. Currently, white students are led to believe that their narrative is and should be the dominant narrative in this country by readings in classrooms mostly being about their American experience. This inversely cultivates an inferiority complex in the minds of non-white students as they are led to feel that their experiences are not vital or worth mentioning.

In “Richard Wright: The Problem of Self-Identification,” Tamara Denissova writes that “Any situation in which an individual is supposed to abide by the canons established by somebody else, and not be guided by his judgment, is unacceptable for one in search of identity.” (Denissova 10) Had my identity been rooted in what I had read and learned before I was handed a copy of Black Boy, I would be insecure and confused about both my place and the place of Black people in American society. In a debate with William F. Buckley at the Oxford Union about whether the American Dream had been achieved at the expense of the American Negro, James Baldwin once said, “In the case of the American Negro, born in that glittering republic. And in the moment you are born, since you don’t know any better, every stick and stone, and every face is white, and since you have not yet seen a mirror, you suppose that you are too. It comes as a great shock, around the age of five, or six, or seven, to discover that the flag to which you have pledged allegiance, has not pledged allegiance to you.” (Baldwin) Wright affirmed for me the disconnect I felt with white society and rationalized it. I would understand that it was not me that inadequate but rather the standards I was being judged by and the rules I was convinced that I had to follow. As Wright writes in Black Boy, “I was feeling the very thing that the state of Mississippi had spent millions of dollars to make sure that I would never feel.” (Wright 148) Through purposefully excluding our history, the state of Massachusetts also spent a great deal of money to assure that my fellow Black male students and I, also thought little of ourselves and our race but thanks to the seeds planted in me from Black Boy, the state would ultimately not get its wish.

I read Black Boy at three different points in my life at ages sixteen, twenty-three, and twenty-seven. As could be expected I was at completely different points in life and from each reading, I took away different lessons. As my understanding grew of life in America, especially life as a Black man, I related even more to Richard’s story and Black Boy continued to cultivate my consciousness of both Blackness and working-class life in America.

Section I: Age 16

The founder of the African Methodist Episcopal Church, Richard Allen, made his sermons real to his fellow Blacks by sharing with them the Book of Exodus from the Christian Bible in a way that made them realize they were, like the Jewish people in the Bible, in an unholy bondage that they must be freed from. This allowed the slaves to realize their bondage was not unlike the bondage of the Jewish people in the Bible and that understanding made their lives and their struggle real. Similarly, reading Black Boy shaped my idea of Blackness because it validated my Black experience by showing me that I was not alone in it. Blackness was not a curse, but instead it was the victims of a curse and that curse was the journey we have endured through Western society. “"Whatever I thought of the essential bleakness of black life in America, I knew that Negroes had never been allowed to catch the full spirit of Western civilization, that they lived somehow in it but not of it" (Wright 33). When I first read Black Boy, what most resonated with me was the idea of lowered expectations because of one’s race. I had never realized that all of those around me had slowly built the glass ceiling above throughout my life. Unknowingly, my parents started the construction when they told me what I could not do because I was Black. Conversations about how I can expect to be treated by the police, or how I should make it clear that I did not steal anything to suspicious store managers, forced me to be hyper-aware of how others saw me. Teachers also played a role in this shaping as they would be shockingly surprised every single year by how well I did in English class. My eighth-grade teacher, Ms. Rondeau would underline these expectations when after I excelled in all of her class writing assignments, she still recommended me for (and I would be placed in) the slower-paced English class in the ninth grade. This was a smack in the face by the education system if I ever felt one. Even my friends played their part as when we were children and were talking about who we would be for Halloween and I would suggest my favorite superhero, Spiderman, I was met with a barrage of “But you’re Black! Spiderman isn’t Black!” They probably felt like they were stating a fact and that I should find another superhero to be, but they knew as well as I did that there were no popular Black superheroes. I had to be conscious of my Blackness because if I were not, it could mean either physical or emotional harm at any moment. I no longer saw myself, but I became who I felt I needed to become to fit in and get along in this society. As Alzoubi states “Social consciousness is predicated by various forces that determine what subjects ought to believe.” (Alzoubi 179)

            James Baldwin once said, “To be a negro in this country, and to be relatively conscious, is to be in a rage almost constantly.” The moment I was handed back my eleventh-grade research paper on Black Boy, the consciousness that I gained from the novel would be put to use immediately. My teacher handed back all of the research papers and announced proudly that the best grade that was given out that year had come from that classroom. She announced that the highest graded research paper was my own. As my friends congratulated me, the over-achieving white girl who sat in front of me turned around and in a voice I will remember for the rest of my life said “You?!”. She was shocked that I could have gotten a better grade than she did on any assignment even though I was, and I knew this at the time, a far better writer than she was. Even though she put in a lot of effort, I enjoyed English class. She had areas in which she struggled; however, those areas came naturally to me, because I enjoyed the process. She took the paper off my desk and flipped through it as if she was going to prove that her paper was better. After having my paper for a few minutes, she slammed it back on my desk in frustration and sat through the rest of the class brewing in her perceived failure. In my mind then, and now, this moment was without a doubt racially motivated as she didn’t always get the best grade in class and she never reacted that way when one of the white students, even the ones who didn’t achieve high grades regularly, outdid her on an assignment. For some reason being behind me on an assignment (I should mention she performed worse more often than just that moment and never knew) infuriated her and I sat behind her, relishing in her dismay. The Black boy outdid her on this assignment, and there was nothing she could do about it.

The subtitle of Black Boy is American Hunger and that also meant a great deal to me. As Tamara Denissova writes “The feeling of hunger persists throughout the protagonist's childhood and adolescence. But physical hunger is superseded by an American spiritual hunger, a quest for one's self and one's place in life.” (Denissova 5) The hunger for more is and will be felt by all who are not given a full spectrum of the history and information they deserve. Like Wright, I had a hunger for information that the school system chose to ignore constantly. I wanted information about my experience and the history of my people. I was denied both, so when I read Wright’s curiosity in Black Boy, I felt that I was right in asking these questions and the answers he got were the exact same answers I was being given by Black authority figures. The most powerful racial moment to me in my first reading of Black Boy was without a doubt the moment that Richard asked his mother about the chain gang:

“’What’s a chain gang?’

‘It’s just what you see,’ she said. ‘A gang of men chained together and made to work.’

‘Why?’

‘Because they’ve done something wrong and they’re being punished.’

‘What did they do?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘But why do they look like that?’

‘That’s to keep them from running away,’ she said. ‘You see, everybody’ll know that they’re convicts because of their stripes.’

‘Why don’t the white men wear stripes?’

‘They’re the guards.’

‘Do white men ever wear stripes?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Did you ever see any?’

‘No.’

‘Why are there so many Black men wearing stripes?’

‘It’s because… Well, they’re harder on Black people.’

‘The white people?’

‘Yes.’ (Wright 52)

The idea that whites, in particular white men, have the right to be hard on Black men is something that didn’t sit right with me as it didn’t sit with Richard at that moment. White men built the societal structure that frequently hands verdicts of guilty to innocent Black men and drives the actually guilty Black men to commit the crimes in the first place. Of course, I realized there is room for accountability on the part of the individual but the pattern was so strikingly similar from the early 20th century in which Richard is speaking from to my everyday experience in the early 21st century, that I rationalized that there must be outside forced at play here. Through every aspect of society white men had built barriers for Blacks and these barriers extended even into the spiritual realm.

            Religion has been often used as a crutch in the Black community when society does not provide one. As Khethzi S. Kerena writes, “Religion attracts Wright emotionally, but on an intellectual level he is unable to believe in God.” (Kerena 39) Wright felt that he did not need the crutch of religion because he felt that he already internally had the deep feeling of life that religion was offering:

“I would have been moved to complete acceptance, but the hymns and sermons of God came into my heart only long after my personality had been shaped and formed by uncharted conditions of life. I felt that I had in me a sense of living as deep as that which the church was trying to give me, and in the end I remained basically unaffected.” (Wright 98)

The Black Church has provided, since the days of slavery, a safe space for the Black people in America and this safe space became the home of meetings of all kinds. Through the Christian religion, Blacks were able to both see their suffering as divine, and decide their freedom was worth fighting for. Richard saw religion as merely a tool of the powerful over the powerless. A sentiment with which I agreed, “Wherever I found religion in my life I found strife, the attempt of one individual or group to rule another in the name of God. The naked will to power seemed always to walk in the wake of a hymn.” (Wright 119) With Richard’s non-acceptance of God, he was placed outside of his community and was shunned by everyone in his household except for this mother. Richard at first is bothered by this fact but soon becomes comfortable with it because he understands that he is searching for something that his relatives may never understand. Dennisova writes “The rigidity of the Seventh Day Adventists, the serenity of its prescriptions alienate the boy from this community as well. Any situation in which an individual is supposed to abide by the canons established by somebody else, and not be guided by his own judgment, is unacceptable for one in search of identity.” (Dennisova 8) Community is often found in the Black church but for those who cannot logically accept Christianity, the church is the last place community can be found.

            Though the importance of the Black church should always be noted and acknowledged, many Black people do not feel that they need the church to live meaningful and fulfilling lives. In my own family, I was led to believe that a relationship with God through Christ was as necessary as breathing if you wanted to live a life with true meaning. Though I always doubted this to be true, I would play the role my family wanted and attend church. It was difficult for me to not sit there and analyze every word of the story that my uncle, who was the pastor of the church, said. The contradictions between scripture and the actions of Christians were countless in my opinion, and above all, the fact that Christianity was delivered to African people through slavery and suffering made me feel that this religion and its practices were not for me. Richard’s similar outlook emboldened my beliefs and allowed me to further my understanding of religion after passing that first step of asserting that the religion that was being forced upon you was not a good fit. Like Richard, the only person I could even come close to explaining this to was my mother.

Richard’s relationship with his mother was complicated though loving. Richard’s mother provided a guiding force for her son especially, after his father left the family. As Khethzi S. Kerena writes, “Mother’s moral background also had a dynamic effect on the behavior of Wright. When he scribbled vulgar graffiti on the walls, his mother punishes him and makes him correct his action. However, the same mother does not stand against the exercise of self-dignity and free will by her son.” (Kerena 38) Black women in this society are often burdened with the role of single motherhood and this, along with being “the most disrespected person in America” as Malcolm X once said, can often create a weight that is too heavy for any single individual to carry. Richard’s mother’s stroke was caused by the stress put on her by the society in which she lived.

Richard’s father, who is to blame for some of the stress placed on his mother left the family when Richard was just a boy. Though this angered him, Richard soon forgave him because he understood he was simply a Black man struggling in this white world and trying to make it anyway he could. Mamoun Alzoubi writes “Wright meets his father after 25 years, the father who abandoned the family, Wright forgives and pities his father. Wright situates his father within determinate social circumstances; the father is a black peasant and Wright is aware of the ramifications of class.” (Alzoubi 184) Richard pitied his father. The Black man who deserts his family deserves pity and not sympathy for he believes that by escaping the family he initially made he can escape the prison that has formed in his mind. The error in his thinking is that the prison was not formed by his familial structure but by society and he can only run into another situation like one he has now or worse, while he lacks consciousness of this fact.

A complicated aspect of the relationship of Richard and his parents and many Black children and their parents is the subject of whippings. Black Boy begins with Richard starting a fire out of curiosity that burns some of his childhood home and when he finally is caught by his parents and admits to what he did, his mother prepares to beat him while telling him how worried she and his father were. “’You almost scared us to death,” my mother muttered as she stripped leaves from a tree limp to prepare it for my back. (Wright 6) Just a few pages later, this whipping is followed by Richard asking his mother about a white man who had beat a Black Boy to death. “Then why did the ‘white’ man whip the ‘black’ boy?” I asked my mother. “The White man did not whip the black boy,” my mother told me. “He beat the Black boy.” (Wright 21) The practice of “whipping” children comes from the days of slavery (Degruy) and Richard was right to ask his mother about the beating and use the word “whip”. The only difference between the two beatings was that the second did not stop until the victim was dead.

Beatings are an antiquated and horrible practice that I was never able to see the “love” in even when it was done to me by my parents. I could not be convinced that I was being corrected properly when I felt that I could be rationally spoken to and corrected that way. As a child of Haitian immigrants, I also was subjected to beatings as a child and though I knew my parents loved me, I could never understand how someone who claimed to love me could beat me in such a way. I began to channel the frustration I had with my parents, and the society at large, into creative avenues, as did Richard.

 

Richard begins writing in Black Boy as means to finally contribute something to the society in which he lived. His failed attempt at writing hymns for his grandmother failed terribly as he was not religious but when he finally wrote something of substance, he was astounded:

“I was excited; I read it over and saw that there was a yawning void in it. There was no plot, no action, nothing save atmosphere and longing and death. But I had never in my life done anything like it; I had made something, no matter how bad it was; and it was mine.” (Wright 105)

Richard’s path as a writer began there, but it would soon meet the disdain of those around him. From his grandmother, to his uncles and aunts, nobody understood the purpose of Richard’s writing. He was able to power through their doubts; however, like in the case with religion, he knew he was after something they couldn’t understand. Richard’s most powerful critique would come from the white woman who’s errands he was running for some extra cash:

“‘What grade are you in school?'

‘Seventh, ma*am.’

‘Then why are you going to school' she asked in surprise.

‘Well, I want to be a writer,’ I mumbled, unsure of myself; I had not planned to tell her that, but she had made me feel so utterly wrong and of no account that I needed to bolster myself.

‘A what?’ she demanded.

‘A writer,’ I mumbled.

‘For what?’

‘To write stories,’ I mumbled defensively.

‘You’ll never be a writer,’ she said. ‘Who on earth put such ideas into your nigger head?’

‘Nobody,’ I said

‘I didn't think anybody ever would,’ she declared indignantly.’” (Wright 129)

Richard was able to eventually bypass even this critique though its sting lasted longer than anything that had come before it. Like the girl in my class in the eleventh-grade, how was this woman to know she was speaking to the best writer she would ever meet? This would have been impossible to know at the time but would have been helpful for both white women, is an understanding of the capabilities of Black writers and Black people in general.

What is so powerful about Wright’s later discovery of H.L Mencken was that the way he felt about Menken, was the way I felt about him:

“I was jarred and shocked by the style, the clear, clean, sweeping sentences. Why did he write like that? And how did one write like that? I pictured the man as a raging demon, slashing with his pen, consumed with hate, denouncing everything American, extolling everything European or German, laughing at the weaknesses of people, mocking God, authority. What was this? I stood up, trying to realize what reality lay behind the meaning of the words . . . Yes, this man was fighting, fighting with words. He was using words as a weapon, using them as one would use a club. Could words be weapons? Well, yes, for here they were. Then, maybe, perhaps, I could use them as a weapon? No. It frightened me. I read on and what amazed me was not what he said, but how on earth anybody had the courage to say it.” (Wright 280)

 To read his astonishment at the writing style of another great made me feel that if he could be astonished at another writer, and I be astonished by him, then maybe one day somebody could read me and feel this way. I realized that inspiration was a cycle and this affirmed for me that I should continue writing even if just for me to improve my ability so that maybe one day, I could write something of substance like Richard did.

 

Section II: Age 23

Pride in one’s race does not have to come from a negative place. A person can be proud of the accomplishments of their race without degrading the accomplishments of another. White supremacy, unfortunately, is built on the degradation of the accomplishments of other races and forcing the people of those races into designated roles. The role of the Black male, as Richard Wright explains in Black Boy, and I would learn as I graduated from college, was that of a brute. Richard Wright challenged this notion in not just Black Boy but in his other works and this brought about criticism from his peers. Tamara Dennisova writes, “Moreover, in the late 1940s James Baldwin and Ralph Ellison accused Wright in their "new wave" manifestoes of being a socially engaged writer and of creating, as a result, a simplified and one-dimensional image of the Negro.” (Denissova 1) I would disagree with both Baldwin and Ellison as I don’t feel Richard Wright was creating a one-dimensional image of the Negro but instead he was framing for both the Black and non-Black audiences, an image of what this racist and capitalistic society is capable of turning the Negro into. Pride in one’s race, and the confidence that comes with it, is the only combatant to this systemic destruction of the Black psyche and through his own story and others, Richard displayed this battle for his readers.

            From early on in Black Boy Richard Wright gives us examples of the ways Black people are forced into roles and how this coercion begins at such a young age:

“We were now large enough for the white boys to fear us and both of us, the white boys and the black boys, began to play our traditional racial roles as though we had been born to them, as though it was in our blood, as though we were being guided by instinct. All the frightful descriptions we had heard about each other, all the violent expressions of hate and hostility that had seeped into us from our surroundings, came now to the surface to guide our actions.” (Wright 72)

I too would feel forced into a role as I grew taller and became a man. Several times I have been asked if I am a member of the New York Knicks when I wear my Knicks sweatshirt. This is especially odd, because a best friend of mine at the end of my college years was also six foot three inches tall and would often wear sports merchandise, but he would never get mistaken for a profession athlete. Often on campus, my fellow students would assume I was at school on an athletic scholarship, and didn’t just get in on my academic merit just as they did. This suggestion that I must be playing the role society carves out for Black men would infuriate me but also motivate me to continue to strive academically to prove more and more racist whites in academia that I am at least as capable as they are, and if not, more.

            As Dr. Joy A. Degruy writes in her book Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, not only do Blacks suffer from the effects of slavery, but whites suffer, in a different way, from their former position as masters. Their position, and the subsequent control of Black life has created an illegitimate superiority complex that is not only internalized but forced onto other people from other communities to believe as fact also (Degruy). As Richard wrote about his experience during childhood, he reflected upon the conversations about whites that he and his fellow Black boys would have:

"Them white folks sure scared of us, though.” Sober statement of an old problem.

…..

“Man, you reckon these white folks is ever gonna change?" Timid, questioning hope.

“Hell, no! They just born that way." Rejecting hope for fear that it could never come true. (Wright 70)

Reading Black Boy this second time, and seeing the similarities between the whites that I knew in high school and the now hundreds and maybe even thousands more that I met during my college years, I also wondered if white people could ever change. I had met white people from my hometown of Stoughton, Massachusetts and I had met white people from as far as Australia and it seemed they were all purposefully miseducated about their own race and that miseducation led to a sense of race pride that they would never let go of. Black people all over this country fain hope that the masses of whites may change but what makes it near impossible for that to happen is that their current image of themselves is built on lies and the oppression of darker skinned people. As James Baldwin once wrote in The Fire Next Time:

“They are, in effect, still trapped in a history which they do not understand; and until they understand it, they cannot be released from it. They have had to believe for many years, and for innumerable reasons, that black men are inferior to white men. Many of them, indeed, know better, but, as you will discover, people find it very difficult to act 0n what they know.” (Baldwin 20)

Another aspect of the role-playing this society forces marginalized people into is a role in which we turn against each other. As I grew older and left my hometown, I recognized in all the diverse people I would meet subtle tones of racism, homophobia, and anti-Semitism. This was odd to me because I recognized that we were all oppressed people battling the same oppressive system. That system benefits from our squabbles with one-another and elevates it to create the narrative that our communities are diametrically opposed to on other. In my second reading of Black Boy I recognized this in the moment Richard explains how he and his childhood friends would run up to, and taunt the Jewish people of their community:

“We Black children-seven, eight, and nine years of age-used to run to the Jew’s store and shout:

…Bloody Christ Killers

Never Trust a Jew

Bloody Christ killers

What won’t a Jew do?” (Wright 54)

During my first reading of Black Boy I bypassed this moment as merely kids being kids but as I read this a second time I recognized this moment in the novel for what it was. Black people and Jewish people are both subjected to hatred and stereotypes that other communities then believe and act upon when dealing with us. The same system that convinced people the Jewish people killed Christ is the same system that once said Black people were the son of Ham and that is why we are worthy of the conditions placed on us. As Mamoun Alzoubi writes, “Although it appeared the detest for blacks is weaved into the “texture of things”, Wright acknowledged that white and black people are conforming to socially expected roles that have become so conditioned that it receives an automaticity. (Alzoubi 183)

            Identity is forged in community and a person thinks of themself similarly to how they think of those from similar backgrounds. Richard Wright was dedicated to discover his identity in all its many facets. As Tamara Denissova writes:

“throughout his life he was trying to define himself existentially, identify his roots, his place in life as a Negro, as an intellectual, as a man, as an American. That is, he was literally obsessed with the idea of self-identification. ‘Man must first learn about himself,’ insisted Wright in 1950 in one of his interviews.” (Denissova 4)

In Black Boy, Richard writes about these experiences from childhood all the way through his adulthood and what makes this book special is the realizations he came to as a child. Often, in literature, children are side characters and even in an author’s own personal narrative, much of the credit for their identity is given to their older versions of themselves. In Black Boy, Richard writes about the recognizing the importance of self-identification and self-discovery from a very young age:

“At the age of twelve I had an attitude toward life that was to endure, that was to make me seek those areas of living that would keep it alive, that was to make me skeptical of everything while seeking everything, tolerant of all and yet critical. The spirit I had caught gave me insight into the sufferings of others, made me gravitate toward those whose feelings were like my own, made me sit for hours while others told me of their lives, made me strangely tender and cruel, violent and peaceful.” (Wright 87)

The consequences of this role-playing and marginalization is a glass ceiling that is forced onto the Black male is a glass ceiling that is both an external force as well as an internal one. A man has to believe he can do something before it can be done and when your society tells you repeatedly that you can only do so much and expects very little from you, it is easy to fall victim to those lower expectations and take the path of least resistance.

Richard’s dreams and ambitions challenged the insecurities of those around him and as I would go into the workforce after college, I found the same obstacles. When Richard was working as a dishwasher he was reading a newspaper called the American Mercury, this shocked one of his white female co-workers as she walked past him reading, “’Well,’ she exclaimed, ‘the colored dishwasher reads the American Mercury!’” (Wright 304) As someone who loves to read I often met the same shock when I would be in the break room at my various jobs reading thick books such as Native Son and The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Like in Richard’s case the shock was even more exaggerated when I was reading something Black people weren’t “supposed” to like such as books about meditation and financial literacy. Sometimes when reading these books, a feeling would come over me as a brushed against the glass ceiling, I would feel that perhaps I am in over my head and that these waters I was swimming in weren’t for me. Richard had a similar feeling when he began to read constantly as an adult as he felt his newfound knowledge might make him unlikeable by the whites who didn’t expect much from him, “I felt vaguely guilty. Would I, filled with bookish notions, act in a manner that would make the whites dislike me?” (Wright 281) Black’s learning and expanding their horizons in the intellectual sense has always been seen as a threat to white society and this challenge of the way of life has always created an issue based off of the natural human desire to learn. Through making the Black person’s learning a taboo in itself, white society was consciously locking the Black population in a mental solitary confinement.

            This challenging of the standard created a conflict in Richard that he quarreled with for quite some time, but eventually he decided that the life he lived prepared him to shatter the glass ceiling, “I could submit and live the life of a genial slave, but that was impossible. All of my life had shaped me to live by my own feelings and thoughts.” (Wright 284) In her work, Dennisova also writes about the proverbial glass ceiling that Richard is dealing with from a young age:

“The four-year-old protagonist of Black Boy wants, as any healthy child, as any normal person would, movement. But his childhood is permeated with a repression of movement that is championed by adults. The key phrase of the first section is "keep quiet."4 It sets the book's tone, showing the direction in which, a black kid had to develop, the repression of a young personality by adults possessing great determination and, possibly, by almost instinctive self-containment.” (Dennisova 6)

This glass ceiling would be present in every aspect of life. From the attempted coercion by Mrs. Moss to marry her daughter, Bess (Wright 239), to Richard being ask to not read the speech he wrote for his graduation ceremony but to instead write a prepared speech that he didn’t believe in (Wright 198), Richard was constantly asked to fit into the box expected of Black boys and men. There is nowhere the force would be exerted from more however, than the workforce.

            Human’s should be able to see themselves in their work. Work allows humans to feel useful and productive which is something that is important to the identity of any individual. As Richard entered the workforce, he began to meet hostilities not just from whites but from his fellow Black employees. There is this idea that there is not enough room for all Black people to succeed in this society so within the community there has been created a crabs in the bucket mentality which means that as any person climbs to get out of the bucket, they are pulled back in by a member of their own community who through their own frustration, refuse to allow another member to succeed where they have not. The resistance would not only come from this mentality, but also Black men feeling like they were doing and saying what was best for their fellow Black men, not knowing that what they were actually doing was capitulating to their own dehumanization.

The three most important instances of Black resistance to Black progress come from a similar point in the book. First, as Richard graduated from school and entered the workforce, he struggled to maintain a job because he simply could not take the degradation from whites that was so commonplace. A friend of his pulled him to the side and explained to him the danger in how he was conducting himself:

“‘Do you want to get killed?’ he asked me.

‘Hell, no!’

‘Then, for God's sake, learn how to live in the South!’

'What do you mean?’ I demanded. ‘Let white people tell me that. Why should you?’

‘See?’ he said triumphantly, pointing his finger at me. ‘There it is, now! It's in your face. You won't let people tell you things. You rush too much. I'm trying to help you and you won't let me.’ He paused and looked about; the streets were filled with white people. He spoke to me in a low, full tone. ‘Dick, look, you're black, black, black, see? Can't you understand that? 

‘Sure, I understand it.’ I said.

‘You don’t act a damn bit like it,’ he spat

He then reeled off an account of my actions on every job I had held that summer.

‘How did you know that?’ I asked.

‘White people make it their business to watch niggers,’ he explained. ‘And they pass the word around. Now, my boss is a Yankee and he tells me things. You're marked already.’” (Wright 209)

Richard’s friend believed whole heartedly that he was telling Richard what he needed to hear but Richard would have none of it. He knew that in his heart, he was determined to be a human being at work and when at home. This led to his determination to move north in search of a freer and fulfilling life. Black people have historically been misled in the United States and even globally to believe that white supremacy works most effectively where they currently are and that if they just can get over there, wherever there is, life will be better.

            Richard’s determination to move north allowed him to subject himself to dehumanization for a short period because he felt he was doing it for the big picture and what would ultimately be a better life. As Richard found a stable job, he would meet and befriend a man by the name of Shorty, who was an elevator operator in the building, who would do anything to get even just a quarter from the white workers. When Shorty, playing the role of a foolish coon, allowed a white man to kick him in his ass for a quarter, Richard was disgusted. This disgusted Richard, but satisfied Shorty:

“Now, open this door, you goddamn black sonofabitch,” the white man said, smiling with tight lips. ‘Yeeeess, siiiiir,’ Shorty sang; but first he picked up the quarter and put it into his mouth. “This monkey’s got the peanuts,” he chortled. He opened the door and the white man stepped out and looked back at Shorty as he went toward his office. ‘You’re all right, Shorty, you sonofabitch,’ he said. ‘I know it!’ Shorty screamed, then let his voice trail off in a gale of wild laughter. I witnessed this scene or its variant at least a score of times and I felt no anger or hatred, only disgust and loathing. Once I asked him: ‘How in God’s name can you do that?’ ‘I needed a quarter and I got it,’ he said soberly, proudly. (Wright 257)

Shorty’s dehumanizing of himself was his capitulation to white supremacy. Shorty accepted the role as long as it benefitted himself personally not understanding it ultimately was to the detriment of not just him but of his race. The white man giving Shorty the quarter and saying “You’re all right” was the confirmation that Shorty had indeed sold himself out. Black men selling themselves out is not always so easy to spot however as sometimes it takes some internal mental gymnastics.

The final and third major instance of Black resistance would perhaps be the most unfortunate when Richard was turned against Harrison, a Black employee from a rival printing shop across the street. Their white bosses would feed both Black men information suggesting that the other was out to kill him and to be careful. What they also stressed was for the two men to never try and discuss the matter as the other would certainly take the chance right then to go in for the kill! Eventually both men started carrying knives for protection until one day they were able to talk, at a distance from one another, and they realized this was all a ploy by their white bosses to get the two of them to fight, and possibly kill each other, for the entertainment of the white bosses. This moment would not have been so disgraceful had it not been for after the white bosses knew that Richard and Harrison knew, and they offered the men five dollars each to fight one another in a boxing match, Harrison agreed. Richard refused but was eventually convinced by Harrison to do it for the money. Harrison believed that they could fool the white men and gain the upper hand by getting “easy” money. “’Look, let’s fool them white men,’ Harrison said. ‘We won’t hurt each other. We’ll just pretend, see? We’ll show ’em we ain’t dumb as they think, see?’” (Wright 272) Harrison was horribly mistaken as through sheer tension and the egging on from the whites, the fight got serious and the two men really tried to hurt one another. After the fight, when they left with their money, Richard describes his shame. “I could not look at Harrison. I hated him and I hated myself. I clutched my five dollars in my fist and walked home. Harrison and I avoided each other after that and we rarely spoke.” (Wright 274)

Section III: Age 27

At age twenty-seven, I had years of experience in the workforce and years of experience being a fully frown Black man in America. Unlike in my previous readings, I was able to understand Richard from a deeper level as my additional life experience broadened my scope and allowed me to see Richard from a more elevated level than in previous readings. America’s racist history is something that requires intentional undoing rather than passive reforms. In my third reading of Black Boy I began to understand Wright’s views on Blackness, the American psyche, and the working class. Having lived in multiple cities, and worked several jobs at this point in my life, I was better able to relate to Wright’s words in my third reading during the summer of 2020.

Towards the end of Black Boy, Wright’s analyzation of the American life should be analyzed on its own:

“I feel that America’s past is too shallow, her national character too superficially optimistic, her very morality too suffused with color hate for her to accomplish so vast and complex a task. Culturally the Negro represents a paradox: Though he is an organic part of the nation, he is excluded by the entire tide and direction of American culture. Frankly, it is felt to be right to exclude him, and it is felt to be wrong to admit him freely. Therefore if, within the confines of its present culture, the nation ever seeks to purge itself of its color hate, it will find itself at war with itself, convulsed by a spasm of emotional and moral confusion. If the nation ever finds itself examining its real relation to the Negro, it will find itself doing infinitely more than that; for the anti-Negro attitude of whites represents but a tiny part—though a symbolically significant one—of the moral attitude of the nation. Our too-young and too-new America, lusty because it is lonely, aggressive because it is afraid, insists upon seeing the world in terms of good and bad, the holy and the evil, the high and the low, the white and the black; our America is frightened of fact, of history, of processes, of necessity. It hugs the easy way of damning those whom it cannot understand, of excluding those who look different, and it salves its conscience with a self-draped cloak of righteousness.” (Wright 302)

This analyzation of the “American way”, especially as I read Black Boy while the country seemed to be tearing itself apart from the seams, especially resonated with me as it seems America was doing its best to not tell itself the truth. As Martin Luther King Jr. once said “The three evils of society are militarism, racism, and economic exploitation.” (King 45) America has at every turn relied on these three evils for its wellbeing and to the victims, there was only symbolic gestures rather than true reconciliation. The calls to abolish the police for example, is a call to end the neo-colonial occupation of Black and brown communities by a force meant to protect the oppressive system from them, and not the other way around.

            Wright was pessimistic about the future of this country and as I read his words so was I. Even one of his biggest critiques, James Baldwin, would agree here as he once said “I do not have faith in the future of this society, I have faith in the society that will replace this one” (Abdelfatah) Now, we are in a society where the majority of whites, especially white males, vote in favor of the political party that takes the racial progression Richard Wright or James Baldwin as a threat to the soul of America. Ironically, they may be right, but it is the soul of America that needs to be reckoned with. The racial construct, the idea that built this country, is now being used against progressives at it seems every mention of racial reconciliation is met with accusations of “reverse-racism”.

            Racism is a disease that belongs mainly, to the white population of America. It must be handled by all but ultimately, it is the white population that must reckon with, as James Baldwin once said “Why they felt it was necessary to have a nigger in the first place” (Baldwin) Wright felt that whites needed Black people to feel secure:

“But I, who stole nothing, who wanted to look them straight in the face, who wanted to talk and act like a man, inspired fear in them. The southern whites would rather have had Negroes who stole, work for them than Negroes who knew, however dimly, the worth of their own humanity. Hence, whites placed a premium upon black deceit; they encouraged irresponsibility; and their re- wards were bestowed upon us blacks in die degree that we could make them feel safe and superior.” (Wright 175)

This master complex as Dr. Joy Degruy spoke about, must be dealt with by whites but it must also be understood by the entirety of society so that non-whites understand their place in the world relative to their true selves and true history rather than through the lens of white supremacy. Currently, this system forces the non-white population to get what they can, even if it means, as it did for Richard, taking risks, “I gave him a pledge of my honesty, feeling absolutely no qualms about what 1 intended to do. He was white, and I could never do to him what he and his kind had done to me. Therefore, I reasoned, stealing was not a violation of my ethics, but of his; I felt that things were rigged in his favor and any action I took to circumvent his scheme of life was justified.” (Wright 178) This leads to a critique of not just the racialized system, but the exploitative nature of the capitalist system.

            Before I had entered the workforce, from when I was sixteen, to even when I read Black Boy again at twenty-three, I never fully understood Wright’s critiques of capitalism. I agreed with him wholeheartedly on racism but it took being in the American work force for years for me to really understand what led Wright to his ultimate Marxist beliefs.

Richard Wright is known for his Marxist beliefs but what Black Boy so brilliantly covers is his introduction to those beliefs. Many do not know that Black Boy was only mostly auto-biographical with a key exception taken in the way of Wright’s economic status as a child. Mamoun Alzoubi writes, “As the writer of Black Boy, he wished to see himself as a child of the proletariat, but in reality he attached greater significance to the respectable standpoint of his grandparents than he did to his historical peasant past. Even though he later lived in abject poverty, he never adopted the values of his companions in the street.” (Alzoubi 182) Wright’s days living in poverty would come in Chicago where he lived during the Great Depression. The Depression revealed to Wright what the Great Recession had started to reveal to me, and would be cemented during the economic collapse caused by the coronavirus. Wright realized, when he was at his lowest moment in the welfare line, that the system was unfair in more ways than just racially, “The day I begged bread from the city officials was the day that showed me I was not alone in my loneliness, society had cast millions of others with me. But how could I be with them? How many understood what was happening? My mind swam with questions that I could not answer.” (Wright 335) Wright’s eyes were opened to the failures of capitalism that every worker had to adjust to, while the lives of the aristocracy were barely changed.

            Richard’s understanding of Marxism was a lot tougher to understand when I was younger because I believed, at least to some extent, what I was taught about Marxism and Communism by the American school system. Then again, I lived in a middle-class neighborhood and was not frequently exposed to the pitfalls of capitalism aside from occasional visits to the neighborhoods in which my cousins lived. As I got older, and those visits became less frequent, I was led to believe that a middle-class existence wasn’t so hard to achieve in America and it was merely a matter of working hard. Though I believed systemic racism existed I did not understand fully the extent to which capitalism needed the poor to thrive. As I read Black Boy as a twenty-seven year old who worked in downtown Manhattan but lived in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, I saw everyday both sides of the American coin and I understood the extent to which the residents of Bed-Stuy were being exploited to allow Manhattan to stay so wealthy. As Mamoun Alzoubi writes, “The fulfillment of human need on a global scale is historically and rationally achievable, but this is suppressed under the regime of capitalism.” (Alzoubi 180) Wright believed it was not the “greedy” poor that should be feared but instead those who had no taste for the wealth of the upper class:

“I would make it known that the real danger does not stem from those who seek to grab their share of wealth through force, or from those who try to defend their property through violence, for both of these groups, by their affirmative acts, support the values of the system in which they live. The millions that I would fear are those who do not dream of the prizes that the nation holds forth, for it is in them, though they may not know it, that a revolution has taken place and is biding its time to translate itself into a new and strange way of life.” (Wright 335)

Richard understands fully both the desperation of those at the bottom of the economic ladder and the misunderstanding those at the top have about the desire of those at the bottom. Black Boy introduced to me the language of the proletariat and allowed me to know that I was not crazy for believing that this new and strange way of life was inevitable and it would not be brought along by those with greedy intentions.

In “Blueprint for Negro Writing”, Richard Wright writes, “No theory of life can take the place of life. After Marxism has laid bare the skeleton of society, there remains the task of the writer to plant flesh upon those bones…He may, with disgust and revulsion, say ‘no’ and depict the horrors of capitalism encroaching upon the human being. Or he may, with hope and passion, say ‘yes’ and depict the faint stirrings of new and emerging life.” (Abdelfatah) Wright’s understanding of the necessity of the writer is expounded on in Black Boy as he strives to get to the communist party to further understand the need for the arts as well as understand the vital importance the negro can play in furthering the communist cause. At the time, Black communist were being used by the party to prove solidarity with the working class and as laborers for the party.  In his piece “Movies, Marxism and Jim Crow: Richard Wright’s Cultural Criticism,” Vincent Perez writes, “Wright explored the ‘relationship between class perspective and ethnic culture with the objective of bridging the gap between Marxism and Black nationalism.’” (Perez 163) This bridging would fail for Wright in Chicago as the party could not seem to accept the idea of welcoming Ross, a Black nationalist, back into the party, “’Dick,’ he said, ‘Ross is a nationalist.’ He paused to let the weight of his accusation sink in. He meant that Ross’s militancy was extreme. ‘We Communists don’t dramatize Negro nationalism,’ he said in a voice that laughed, accused, and drawled.” (Wright 392) An understanding of communism is needed to truly understand capitalism. One must be exposed to both and see both for the positives they offer, to be able to make the most informed decision as to which system they support. Richard Wright, as well as myself, would make the argument that Marxism is a more humane system but to the identity of every individual even in a capitalist society, there is a great benefit to being exposed to Marxist teachings and principles. 

Conclusion

Black Boy shaped my consciousness, and I’m sure will continue to shape my consciousness, repeatedly as I grow older. My relation to this book is a testament to the power that diverse canonical texts can have on students of color. As Mamoun Alzoubi writes, “Black Boy challenges the mainstream African American literature during 1930s and 1940s. It sets for a non-essentialist and transracial worldview in literature, a new trend to canonical American literature. He challenges prevailing dogmatic ideologies to explore and experience freedom, equality, and justice.” (Alzoubi178) My consciousness of the issues that plague race and class in this country was not validated in any of the euro-centric canonical texts I was exposed to during my formative years and because of this, I initially read Black Boy from a position as someone who had thoughts but was scared to say them out loud. I read Black Boy I second time and approached it as someone who wanted from the book an escape from the white world I was diving into post-college. The book then not only affirmed my previous thought but planted seeds of new ones. My third time picking up Black Boy I was a Pan-African who was unsure about communism and the challenges that faced my people in the years that will follow.  In Space, Knowledge and Power: Foucault and Geography, author J.W Crampton writes “a personal identity … is not a pre-given entity which is seized on by the exercise of power. The individual, with his identity, is the product of a relation of power exercised over bodies, multiplicities, movements, desires, forces” (Crampton 180). My identity, and the identity of thousands of Black boys, including civil rights legend Amiri Baraka, was formed by Richard Wright and his story. As Jerry W. Ward says in, “The Many Influences of Richard Wright: An Interview with Jerry W. Ward Jr”, “We shared a hunger for knowing that can never be completely satisfied” (Zheng 18)

Richard Wright affirmed my hunger for knowing in a way no white, and even many Black writers were not equipped to do. Identity is the most crucial part of human life and without exposing children to multiple perspectives and viewpoints through literature, we run the risk of affirming false identities and shunning those of students of color. I was building up in me a dream which the entire educational system of the South had been rigged to stifle” (Wright 148)

Using auto-ethnography expanded my relationship with Black Boy in a way that I had never expected. To be able to reread the novel and put myself in the shoes of three former versions of myself was powerful for me personally and allowed me to flex a literary skill I did not know about. My recommendation to future scholars would be to put yourself in the shoes of the transformational novels and figure out what moments exactly formed how you are. It will not only expand your appreciation for the text but also further your understanding of the need for more diverse canonical texts. It is up to all members of academia to root out the systemic inequities in our school systems. What I got from Black boy, and every child deserves from canonical reading, is a reflection of themselves that validate their existence. Introducing diverse canonical reading may not root out systemic racism from the entire country, but it is an incredible start.

Racism, To My Understanding,

Racism, to my understanding is as American as baseball. It is so deeply woven in the fabric of America that to pull on the string would undo the whole tapestry. You have to see when we see the consistencies between your behavior and that of your ancestors that we are employing a survival tactic our environment forces us to master (even still its accuracy is never 100%). We know when we see the white people outside of the school in 1960 screaming at Ruby Bridges as she integrated that elementary school, that their descendants are not anatomically better, and are capable of the same emotion. This emotion, that conveying only confirms what we’ve been told by our elders about the real world. 

It’s hard to be anti-Kaepernick and not seem as if you too would hate and the heavyweight boxer from Kentucky who decided he would not go to Vietnam. The lack of caring about these black men and women being shot down harkens back the videos and recordings of white folks speaking on what they thought of black people decades ago. The vile answers given by those people hurt just as much as your silence and sometimes we would even prefer the vocal hate because then it reveals to us exactly where you stand. Even that is more comfortable than the schizophrenia brought on by never being able to be sure. Are you really an ally? Or do you side with me only in my presence? The people in those videos are your ancestors, actually of only 1 generation or 2, and we can’t be so sure that vitriol and hatred that they spoke with just evaporated. It is hard to imagine that at home we don’t come up, and a somewhat overall opinion of us. Even the topic of our killings by the police, that has to come up sometimes doesn’t it? What happens when it comes up? Does someone get angry? Does someone justify it? Doesn’t somebody defend us? Or is it a quick moment of polite sadness and then you move on? Now what if that conversation never comes up? Does that say even more? Racism is so unnatural a thing, that even dealing with it, can never be something we get used to. It becomes like an invisible bully that can reveal itself whenever it likes. It seems that everyone with a solution on how to fix it is murdered or has their character assassinated which leaves us with a rational belief that we will die long before racism does. This can be quite the burden to carry while carrying everything else life throws at us. You must see now why cultural colonialism can be so offensive. You want the rhythm without the blues. It seems you want a piece of all we make but would rather not be forced to see us. Even our neighborhoods are seen in some places as “places you just don’t want to go if you’re in Chicago.” But I should say whether you live in one of those neighborhoods or not. Racism is allowed to play an overarching role in your life. Even in denying racism that privilege we are convincing ourselves that something won’t stop us, not actually acknowledging something that is in fact, there. Our feelings of its presence are more Important even, for our daily survival, than our world view. Racism is one of the cancers our world faces today and like other forms of cancer, its ability to change forms and spread throughout the body, is what makes it more powerful. With our understanding of the human body we must come to a collective agreement that as long as that cancer that is racism exists somewhere, it affects us all the same.

Pressure

After detailing to you what this upcoming trip to Haiti, that is about a month out means to me, I must now tell you how much the gravity of the trip is affecting me now on the day to day. After being approved for the days off, I now realize there is nothing between myself and eight days in the country where my forefathers, African men and women turned warriors, freed themselves from the rule of the French “Republic”. A country where those freed former slaves built the world’s first true democracy (as the others at the time still participated in slavery) but underestimated the evil of the European powers and were subsequently blackballed from the global economy thus, spiraling down centuries of corruption, poverty, and incompetent healthcare.

In a little over a month I start my journey in helping play my part to raise my parent’s homeland to its feet as best I can. Though this is not a task I take on alone; Haitian’s worldwide are slowly coming to realize that our country’s position in the global economy is not at the fault of itself, and in return are also making their own attempts at aiding the nation. I do realize I must do all I can before I decide that is what we all must do being the descendants of those warriors. We are not expected to do nearly as much as they, but the significance remains.

The book I will be writing is also something I think about often, as I have never taken on a task so daunting and to be honest, writing at length is a fear of mine as I do not want to lose you, and I fear writing at length not only loses you, but deters you from sharing my work with your friends who you assume don’t have the attention span that you do. Perhaps it is also a confidence issue with myself, also an idea that I have to consider. This book however has been paid for already by those who donated to my GoFundMe and I closed the donations shortly after I surpassed the goal. Although the thought of the challenge brings forth a kind of anxiety that I’m sure all creative minds can relate to, it also brings forth an excitement that is hard to describe. All I can say is, I will deliver the best book possible to you, my friends, as you deserve, as well as the people of Haiti, the best version of myself.

Now for those who are reading this and did not donate to the GoFundMe but wish they did, I am opening the campaign again for donations for 48 hours starting now. Your book and personalized note will be delivered the same as those who initially donated. This re-opening of the campaign will not be shared on social media by myself, so it is truly for those of you who are reading this who may feel you missed out.

That so many people believe in me is an honor I will never forget. I hope to make you all proud.

Yours truly,

Baudelaire

P.S The link to donate/receive a book is below.

https://www.gofundme.com/baus-volunteer-trip-to-haiti&rcid=r01-15369262432-6567a9e6d2e64e8c&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w

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What’s in a Name?

There are some days where I do not feel like a writer at all. Most days, even.

The higher power (God, Allah, The Universe, really whatever you want to call it) ensured I never forget I am a writer at heart by allowing my father to decide, and my mother agree to name me Baudelaire (he really wasn’t a fan enough of Charles Baudelaire to credit that with why he chose the name, which is why I give the credit to a higher power). It is fate that I was named after not just a great writer but a morbid one. I believe it was to remind myself both of my capability and the always possible outcome of failure and despair. Not necessarily in a depressing sense (though when I do suffer from depression it doesn’t help) but just the reality that is more likely should I become stagnant.

I remember when I first felt that feeling of reading Charles Baudelaire’s work and thinking I am nothing like this man and never want to be, but at the same time loving the challenge (given to myself mostly, I don’t think anybody feels that kind of connection to their namesake) of improving myself and staying as far away from that image as possible. Self improvement and the improvement of my surrounding, is a commitment I have made a lifelong one and throwing in the reminder that I am named after a literary legend, is a bonus. For on my best days, I feel I am also a great writer. From the uncomfort incurred from the two instances in my life (both strangely being in the past year or so) where people recited Charles Baudelaire’s poetry in French to me in public upon finding out he was my namesake (If you know how dark at times Baudelaire’s poetry can be, you would see how this can bring about an awkward moment), I gained a comfort in my destiny. Now Charles Baudelaire is not my favorite writer, or even one of them (Richard Wright being my favorite and James Baldwin being my greatest inspiration), but I do appreciate more than perhaps anybody knows or can understand, being named after him. It is an honor I wear proudly.

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Acknowledgement is Key

The below is a true story from late last year (2017).

Acknowledgement

[ak-nol-ij-muh nt]

noun

1.       recognition of the existence or truth of something

A homeless man while I was on the way to the bank asked me for some money. I looked at him and shrugged as to say “Man I don’t have anything” (funny, I was actually walking to the bank to deposit the money I did have to get my account out of the negatives) and he said “its ok brother, acknowledgement is key”. I nodded and continued to the ATM all the while “acknowledgement is key” is stuck with me. After I was done I went back to the guy and aid “Why did you say that?” He said “Because people walk by me here all day like I’m not even here and when I asked you, you looked at me and acknowledged me. Above all else, I’m still a person. But you liked what I said huh? Haha!” I proceeded to laugh with him for a second and we both wished the other a goodnight as I walked on home.

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Renée Simone II

Writing about her hasn’t gotten any easier. But I realized something today. I have been preparing to love her, my whole life. What I lament about my past can no longer be held as regrets because somehow it all playing out exactly as it did, led me to her. That is a life changing realization and I have nothing else to credit that to but her majestic way of being. I continue to stare at her and have yet to figure out how she manages to be such a wonderful person and I could have never imagined I would be with a woman so astounding so memories of my days without her only serve as reminders of how much I appreciate her time and all that she brings to my life.

A man who fears nothing is as dangerous as the woman next to him who rids him of such fears. In months she has managed to challenge the man I am and shift the direction of who I believe I can be. She continues to inspire me to do more without ever insisting I should. Her mere presence is enough to shift my attitude and her insight is always thought-provoking.  She exemplifies all that is special about black women, and for that reason, among many others, I love her.

 

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The Plan

To Whom It May Concern,

I have decided recently to forever change my relationship with Haiti. Like most children of immigrants, I looked at the land my parents immigrated from with a mix of wonder and grandeur but since the earthquake 8 years ago; those feelings have been mixed with a survivor’s guilt. I’ve come to realize this guilt came from seeing the suffering of thousands of children in Haiti as well as the devastation brought on by the earthquake. Included in the suffering brought on by the earthquake is my father having to deal with the passing of his youngest daughter. Seeing him be forced to deal with that reality everyday has become a driving force in my desire to be able to help my father’s home country in any way possible once I became older.

 As you can see that statement is a bit vague and that has never helped ease my conscious. I always knew the day would come where I would have to be a bit more specific about how I wanted to impact the country of Haiti. While I enjoy a life in a land of as many opportunities as the United States there are children in Haiti that could only dream of half of the experience I was blessed to have been able to go through. I have always wants to help those children in particular. Children that may or may not leave their home country but still need to know the world is still theirs for the taking. I was recently talking to an old friend from UMass about volunteer trips to Haiti and she told me about one in particular called Partners in Development. The program is great and really allows volunteers the opportunity to do the boots on the ground work that can only be done by those willing and able. Half of the time spent in Haiti through the program is spent building homes and the other half, working with children. My decision to sign up for this volunteer experience with Partners in Development is what will begin the changing of my relationship with Haiti.

I have had dreams of one day opening up a school or perhaps a children’s park in Haiti and naming them after my sister but what I’ve come to realize is all that is just talk until real work is put in. I must give Haiti as much time and energy as possible to see those dreams come true. And after all that Haiti has given me, I believe it is only right I get to work as soon as possible.

So it is on that note that I start this GoFundMe campaign to fund this volunteer trip (all information below, and on my Facebook page). Now my problem with GoFundMe campaigns is for the most part they are people asking others for money and giving back almost nothing in return. Weeks before my trip, while in Haiti, and the following days after I get back I hope to write out posts and poems on my feelings about the trip and on Haiti in general. I will put the writings together into a work (along with pictures taken while in Haiti) and release them together in a book available only to those who donate $25 or more to the GoFundMe campaign. I will not share these posts or pictures on social media or on my site. The only way to receive them will be in the form of the book. I will have the books hopefully delivered by the end of this year and plan to write a personal message in each book for the recipient.

I appreciate any donation made to the campaign.

Thank you,

Baudelaire Ceus

https://www.gofundme.com/baus-volunteer-trip-to-haiti

https://www.pidonline.org/programs/haiti

https://www.facebook.com/baudelaire.ceus

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The Warriors

I find social media to be, at times, more about being succinct and clever then actually doing anything. These tweets and posts spread awareness which is amazing but now that you are aware, you must do. Not just for yourself, but for your fellow citizens and the country as a whole. I’m not going to completely throw away the benefits of social media and its necessity in today’s social justice movements, but we can’t pat ourselves on the back too much for expressing ourselves to people who (for the most part) agree, or think similarly to us anyway. Especially when there is so much work to be done.

Now excuse me if you find my analogy a bit vulgar, but I find social media activism the equivalent to masturbation. You get the same sensation as if you actually had sex but in fact what you did was only self-satisfying and you didn’t really do anything at all. That is no different than when you close your app after posting your (or reposting another’s) opinion on the latest act of injustice that has gone viral. Now I may be a cynic for this opinion, but I feel those in positions of power do not truly fear these acts “going viral” because they are well aware, that only a fraction of those who are now aware, are going to actually do anything. In other words, Donald Trump does not care in the least bit about your “Fuck Trump” posts. I’ve protested outside of Trump tower and screamed shame at the Trump children as they walked out of the building with thousands of people chanting with me and what really stuck with me from that day was their faces as they ignored us and went about their business being escorted to their car and driving off. Now if they could even put on an act, that well, of being unfazed by the thousands screaming behind security blockades, then they certainly do not care about your posts about what a joke their father is.

Now last year, while I was dealing with bouts of depression, I deactivated all of my social media accounts. I found that the scrolling or posting didn’t actually make me feel better even with the socially responsible way (for the most part) I was using the apps. I felt like there was still something missing. Like there was something I was doing wrong, or missing out on. I was expressing myself and speaking out on social injustice and calling out some of my peers for being ignorant when it comes to causes that I felt where far too important for them to ignore. All of that was great, and I hope I, and others, continue to still do that and join uncomfortable conversations while there is an opportunity for them to be had but what I soon found was that it seemed the internet became the only place where those conversations were being had. Thus leaving the effect un-measurable as most people left the argument on the timeline and put their headphones on as they moved through life. Among other things (by no means am I placing my depression solely on this) this really started to bother me and the only thing I felt I could do is leave social media altogether and really figure out how I wanted to impact society.

It was, almost a social tax, I feel I owed.

You can have a million arguments over the internet (99% of which end with both sides only standing more firm in their position) and avoid the fact that there are real lives out there you can affect if you really want to. And that leads me to what I’m most proud of from this past year, my mentorship of this 10 year old boy, Elijah. I’ve written countless blog posts about politics, black improvement, and have had a hundred social media arguments with people and trust me when I say none of that even compares to when Elijah told me last month that he hasn’t been getting in trouble in school as much. Now I wasn’t scared to get in trouble I school and I’ve made it my job to mention, every time  I hang out with Elijah, that that was really only to my detriment and getting that clever remark in to the teacher really wasn’t ever worth it. So three months into my mentorship of him, him going out of his way to let me know he’s really trying really made me proud. And I’m not presenting Elijah as the reason I can now be critical of my peers because I know I am still capable of much more and that’s one of the things I am focused on for this year. I am moving in that direction and I believe, if we all worked towards real impact, and had more patience than this quick reaction social media frenzy world we live in sometimes allows, then we would see the effects.

Now I write this today challenging you, the reader, who probably more or less agrees with my way of thinking at least enough to care about my opinion, to go out and be hands on about something. Mentor, volunteer, or anything that feels genuine to who you are as a person. We all don’t have to be Martin Luther King Jr., or Malcolm X, but if we all just contributed something tangible, I feel we would be doing ourselves, the children of today, and future generations, an enormous favor. Now I’m only speaking for myself when I say this, but I came to find the social media activist thing was just not enough.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day

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The King's Dream

The King’s Dream lives on, even though he has been killed

The King never got to see his dream come to fruition

But neither have we,

The King's Dream, has yet to be fulfilled.

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Renée Simone

Sometimes while we’re on the train she catches me staring at her and I’m sure she believes it’s, at least for the most part, due to her immeasurable beauty. I’m actually staring because I’m trying to figure out how a woman who wears so many hats can make it all seem so effortless. Now perhaps it isn’t effortless, and this is just a mask but I will see to it that she means it when she responds that “everything is fine”. I cannot ensure that everything will always, in fact, be fine but, I can ensure that my effort will always match her’s in making it that way.

Now when she catches me staring, she should know that I am not staring but marveling at her. Astounded that a woman so phenomenal can come into my life and make me realize that my greatest fear is something I should have never feared at all. The Queen I always dreamed of is the toughest person to write about. And thats only because, I feel nothing I could write would get across exactly how astonishing she really is.

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The Second Excerpt

(To be read only after reading the first Excerpt)

There is something about that bittersweet feeling of realizing you no longer care for someone as you once did. The beauty of it being in the fact that you can focus on seemingly more important things while the negative being the thought was once comforting, and with its absence comes a void. It's not a complete detachment but its just enough for the idea of being in the company of that person to not be a prevalent thought as you try to go about your day. 

 

Man, isnt life something? 

The Anxiety Machine

anxiety

noun, plural anxieties.

1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune:

He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.

2. earnest but tense desire; eagerness:

He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.

3. Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.

I was watching this Wale interview where Nadeska Alexis (the interviewer) mentioned a Fairly Oddparents episode where because of something embarrassing that happened at school, Timmy wishes that he would have absolutely no feelings. The next day Timmy walks through life with zero emotions and instantaneously becomes the most popular person in school and town because people are amazed at his lack of empathy.

Now, I tell that quick story for a reason. That don't care=cool mentality follows our generation to present day where we all care and, can made to feel anxious in any given situation but for some reason, make it seem like we actually don't care about anything, and coast by life that way while in all actuality, we constantly worry about the issues that really plague our life but we refuse to share any of it in fear of seeming weak or just not cool.

Take the anxiety of being on a packed train without headphones or a book and having to look around and make uncomfortable eye contact with a bunch of people for example. Or when you post a picture with a new hairstyle and nobody mentions the hairstyle so you think to yourself “Does this mean it's trash?” Or replaying scenarios in your mind and wondering if you did one thing differently how would your life have played out and the probability of that decision putting you in a better place today. Or even the more broad anxieties of not being satisfied with your job, relationship, friendships and/or family life and not knowing how to change it so you allow those thoughts to eat at you. 

Or how about hating your job so much that you grow less and less able to smile through the “Good Mornings” when you first walk in so you just turn your attention to social media and follow people doing what you want to do. Seeing them enjoy their position doesn't necessarily elicit jealousy but rather anger that you're not there yet. What social media won't show you is that they aren't really enjoying the position as much as snapchat’s allowing them to show, and deep down they wish they were doing something completely different. 

We all lose at some point. There is always a point where the bullshit seems like it isn't worth it. Now if we all go through these emotions but then get on social media and see a best-of reel of our friends lives then that would only reinforce those ideas that we are in some way failing. People only post their “wins”, which I’m not here to say is wrong but our interpretation of it is. This creates a false sense of pressure to match or live up to the lives of people we almost know must be going through the everyday struggles of life like we are. Social media somehow convinces us this can't be true. Pre-social media, when your only interactions with people were real life interaction. An analogy I just thought of is if every artist made an album, then only compared that album to other artists’ greatest hits albums, the morale of the artist would suffer. When piling on the insecurities about our own appearances and lives that we have normally as humans, we end up as anxiety riddled people that feel that we’re living this monotonous life of struggle.

You gotta think of social media like this assembly line where we start off on the line with  pure intentions on what we want to do with what social media offers us (reconnect with old friends, share news, express ourselves), but then we come out on the other side with these strange and almost wicked desires. It becomes more of a mechanism to express our individual vanity.

But it's not all social media’s fault. And perhaps social media isn't the only part of this machine that is faulty (or perhaps working just as planned, depends on how you see it). In a capitalistic society that demands more and more of its citizens and tells us that we should desire a new iPhone, car, etc. every single year because if something’s a year old then it must be obsolete. The average person is just a hamster on the hamster wheel in this system. The plan is to keep people unsatisfied with their lives so they keep wanting more and have to spend more, but to spend more than they have to work more. You see? There's only so much one person can stand to work or so much one can desire before they decide everything they do have, is worthless (no matter how untrue that statement may actually be).

The night before Thanksgiving, one of my friends told me about how she agrees completely with what me and my brother say on social media when we speak on social issues but she feels that she can't speak up like we do so instead she says nothing. She apologized (for some reason) for it and I really appreciated her letting me know how she felt (after all that is more meaningful than a “like”) but it got me thinking. In the current political and social climate people should feel comfortable expressing themselves and their feelings in whatever way they know how especially when it's with words. Just because you can’t put something as plainly or as eloquently as someone on your timeline doesn't invalidate your feelings on the situation. Your perspective matters and when those who feel too afraid to speak up, do, then we can have real dialogue on how to progress as a people. You see what social media did there?

You see because we don't look within and decide if we're satisfied with life. We often look to the external world for this satisfaction (which is why it’ll never happen). Our generation has added social media to this list of places we go to to compare our lives to others and see if we match up well or if we're not doing so well etc. This makes it so that it’s not just celebrities we envy like other generations; it includes our peers as we grow more disconnected from them in terms of true interaction and only see this shiny version of themselves that they post on social media. Our happiness is far too comparative and having social media at our fingertips may be too much for us to handle some days.


The anxiety machine that is life is only amplified by social media and creates distorted ideas of what we think life should be. No to say social media doesn't have its benefits but the benefits offered are rarely the true reasons we obsess over it. Perhaps social media should be seen as just entertainment where we can dive in fully and enjoy it for small spurts but always come back to reality with the no connection to the world through the lens of social media. The problem today is, we never really disconnect from social media. Its easy accessibility has caused us to become far too attached to that world to the point where we're doing things in reality based on how they're going to look in the alternate reality that is social media. Now, our generation has already seen the effects of social media being introduced at a highschool or later age range. Now imagine what these kids behind us, that are aware of social media’s existence their whole lives, are going to be like. We may one day see a world where nobody faces their anxieties head on, rather we turn to the world we can more carefully curate. Where we can convince ourselves the false reality is our true reality. In my opinion, this is a world that’ll be more anxiety-ridden and “awkward” than we can even imagine. Now, my question to you is; Does social media really make you happy?

Amaru

The first thing one must understand, when trying to really understand Tupac Amaru Shakur is that he died at only 25 years of age.

Twenty-Five years old.

Had Malcolm X died at 25 his story would have ended as a prisoner, Malcolm Little, who died while beginning to study Islam. Had Martin Luther King died at 25 his story would have ended as a newlywed ordained minister that had yet to lead a single protest or boycott. Had Thomas Jefferson died at 25, his story would have ended as a recent college graduate who loved books and had yet to even leave his home state of Virginia.

So before you judge this man fully, understand how short his life was and all he was able to accomplish in that short life. He accomplished more and touched more hearts in his 25 years than most men do in a lifetime. However, his youth did show in some of his actions.

Tupac Amaru Shakur was a man guided by passion. The passion of the have-not fighting for every single breadcrumb is the passion with which Tupac Shakur faced every obstacle. Whether it be the Vice-President of the United States calling him an irresponsible thug or in his response to what he felt was a betrayal by a man he had considered a close friend. Tupac’s passion was the driving force to that 25-year-old man being able to accomplish all that he did in his life. It is only while truly believing in that which you are doing, that you can approach obstacles with the energy Tupac did. Like a car going 150mph, passion like Tupac's could get you closer to your destination if you're going the right way but further than you ever imagined if the car is going in the wrong direction. 

Tupac always remained true to self. That was, what he believed to be, our only responsibility in life. To be ourselves at all times and remained connected to our innermost self so as to not ever make a decision that we will later regret or be ashamed of. For as long as one is true to oneself, then what is the need for apology? Perhaps one can be misguided by the wrong information, which happens. But, the case can then be made to the accuser that if given the same misinformation, they would have done the same.

His logic was that he would follow the same method that lead to the end of the Vietnam War. The media showed the most graphic and violent images of the soldiers fighting in Vietnam and that led to the American public demanding that the war come to an end. This logic went wrong when Tupac decided he will give middle America a glimpse into what was happening in THEIR OWN country on a daily basis and rather than demand that the suffering of the people Tupac spoke of end, they instead demanded he shut up. Implying either that he was lying about what he was telling them or those people put themselves there. Both of which we know aren't true.

For those that criticize Tupac, and call him a hypocrite, I ask you to point to a 20-25 year celebrity that has come from nothing who has not been trapped by the evils of fame. Yes, Tupac at times was a victim of his own success and at some points the message could be seen as a bit cloudy. But, there was always a method to the madness. Tupac understood fully that he was not speaking to a well informed, and educated populace. He knew he was speaking to societies forgotten babies that were now considered thugs and criminals. He knew how to bring them closer to him so they could hear songs like "Words of Wisdom", "Brenda's Got A Baby", or "Keep Ya Head Up". I would argue that most rappers, especially in the early nineties that had those kinds of messages in their music never reached those "thugs". So in Tupac, the thug was cured by Tupac's ingenious way of hiding medicine in the candy. Lyrics like those below really connect to that young man who feels like his life is hopeless and nobody understands. It is through this connection formed that Tupac can show that young man more about life and how to maneuver through it.

for multiple years, witness peers catch gunshots
Nobody cares, seen the politicians ban us
They'd rather see us locked in chains, please explain
why they can't stand us, is there a way for me to change?
Or am I just a victim of things I did to maintain?

For those that say Tupac was a fraud (I won't spend much time here because this perspective is small-minded). I say that the fact he didn't have a criminal record until he was already famous is something we should applaud. To think that a man must be imprisoned, to be validated by the community he grew up in, is immature to say the least. A friend of mine once said that the character we all know as Tupac was created in that Baltimore performance arts school as a sort of an act. To that I say that all of a man's experiences are ingredients that make up that which he will become. To discredit Tupac because he attended a performance art school and did not have a record is like I stated earlier, small-minded. A man who was blessed to live in a one-parent household in Baltimore, MD but still get the chance to attend a Baltimore School of the arts, Tupac spoke on the moment where he told his homeboys that Shakespeare was dope and they had no idea what he was talking about. He wanted to bring that level of education to the people that came from where he came from.  

Perhaps the argument can be made that all rappers who come from nothing supply that same inspiration that Tupac did. I say to that argument that no artist of any kind, before or after Tupac, had roots so deep in the struggle for social justice. From his mother Afeni Shakur’s high role within the Black Panther party his God Father, Geronimo Pratt, and his later formed relationship with Maya Angelou and his idol-ship of freedom fighters such as Fred Hampton and Assata Shakur, Tupac knew the history of poverty in the United States and its connection to racism. He informed his listeners of this connection in songs like “Words of Wisdom”. Most rappers speak of life in the impoverished neighborhoods of America and how miserable it could be. Tupac spoke on not only what it’s like, but spoke on how it got here and had more information on how to change it than any artist that came before or would come after him. This is why Tupac’s inspiration is like no other. He was a magnificent talent in various creative fields but it was his heart of a freedom fighter that separated him from the rest. 

If a man comes from nothing, and manages to make something of hisself and even provide for himself and his close circle, but is still met with resistance from middle America, what does that say? It is a way of saying that he and those around him belonged in the impoverished neighborhood with holes in the ceiling and roaches in the kitchen. Tupac was the messenger that reached the masses that reminded us all that not everything is ok. There are ills of society that must be dealt with, or else. Tupac reminded us of those ills and demanded that they be dealt with somehow. I am not arguing that Tupac Amaru Shakur was perfect, because even he acknowledged his many flaws. But like many 20-25 year olds, Tupac knew what he wanted out of his life, wasn't shy about expressing it, and was still in the process of figuring how exactly he could save his people from the shackles of injustice when he was shot on September 7th 1996. For six days, the world, and specifically ghettos all over the world, stood still until on September 13th, Tupac was taken off life support and passed away. Tupac Amaru Shakur reflected America’s innermost fears that some day it’s crimes against humanity would manifest themselves and look the country right back in the eye. The problems Tupac spoke of are just as relevant today as they were twenty years ago and are indicative of a society that has always refused to listen to its own children. Even in the passing of one of its most vocal, his message will forever live on through children of his philosophies.

“No matter what you think about me, I’m still your child. You can’t just turn me off”

 

Sidenote. 

It is because of the example set by Tupac that I can write a post like "The Excerpt" or "Sister". It is with the understanding that I am being true to myself that I am fearless in regards to what can be, or will be said about what it is I write. It is with that fearlessness that I pursue all of my goals in life knowing that my heart is, and always will remain in the right place.

Rest in Peace to the Great Tupac Amaru Shakur.

 

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The Excerpt

She was the level of beautiful that made you wonder why she would ever second guess the notion herself. Her features and dress just seemed to supplement what was already there. But, gorgeous was the first word that came to mind whenever she was in sight and the sight was truly breathtaking. The average bystander wouldn't even understand that he/she was only getting a glimpse of her beauty, and even then he/she only caught the surface level. Everyone deserves to spend time with someone as beautiful as her. There’s a sort of ease that comes along with her presence that I’m not even really sure she fully understands. But her beauty came just as much from her mind as it did from her smile.

 

Man… She was something special.

To Whom It May Concern,

To Whom It May Concern,

Hope all is well. I’m sure you’ve seen the news lately. It turns out there is bit of trouble within the black community pertaining to our relationship with police officers and their tendency to not be held accountable when they break the laws they swore to protect. As your fellow citizens, the black community has contributed a lot to American society whether it be in the form of inventions you use in our everyday life to genres of music (there was also that period of about 300 years where we were a huge help), and over the last half century or so we have even been able to become friends. Well friend, it turns out this police issue is really getting out of hand (and by out of hand I mean were at the point where we consider it a win just to see an officer who killed a black man even get indicted). See now I know you may think that this problem has nothing to do with you but I am here to convince you otherwise.

This is not a black issue. This is a human rights issue. Fred Hampton once said we cannot fight fire with fire, we believe in fighting fire with water. We can not fight racism with racism, we must fight racism with solidarity.” Now is the time to stand in solidarity with your black brothers and sisters and let it be known that you are not on the sideline watching people that look like them be oppressed simply for the fact that they look like them. Black skin is what connects me to Oscar Grant, Trayvon Martin, and Alton Sterling and it just so happens that seeing that black skin is all their shooters needed for proof that their target deserved to die. So because of my black skin it could be me next, or perhaps my brother, or your best friend, or your neighbor. Before that injustice occurs, let your voice be heard. Stand with your black brothers and sisters and let them know that you understand that there is a system at work here that oppresses them and you will not stand for it.

This is not a time for division. This is, in fact, a perfect opportunity for unity. I spoke to a woman today that said, “Just because I don’t post on social media doesn’t mean that I don’t care”. Very true. However, it does help the psyche of the black man or woman to be on social media (a place we all spend too much time nowadays) and see that our fellow citizens stand with us. I’m sure the LGBTQ community appreciated our changed profile pictures and posts when their community faced a horrible tragedy weeks ago. In a world where we rarely have open and honest discussions about our social climate random acts of hate toward members of your community can make you think “Wait, do more people think like this? Do people think this is ok?” Now I’m sure, especially if you are a white Christian male then you have no idea what I’m talking about, as people that look like you or think like you do are rarely the targets of random acts of hatred. But from those of us that are apart of these communities (especially black) these acts, especially as frequent and spread throughout this country as these killings at the hands of police has been, things can get pretty scary as you truly do not know when or if you will be next or if you’re neighbor will even care. It’s quite the stressful life to live. The famous quote from Desmond Tutu goes “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.

Sincerely,

                        A Black Man Who May Be Next

 

P.S

I leave you with a poem by one of my late heroes, the Late Great Dr. Maya Angelou

I don’t ask the Foreign Legion
Or anyone to win my freedom
Or to fight my battle better than I can,

Though there’s one thing that I cry for

I believe enough to die for
That is every man’s responsibility to man. 

I’m afraid they’ll have to prove first
That they’ll watch the Black man move first
Then follow him with faith to kingdom come.
This rocky road is not paved for us,
So, I’ll believe in Liberals’ aid for us
When I see a white man load a Black man’s gun.

                                                            -Dr. Maya Angelou

 

 

America's Step-Child (Brenda's Baby)

America’s Step-child (Brenda’s Baby)

Brenda had a baby

But Brenda barely had a brain

It’s a damn shame

Pac’s the reason I know my Momma’s name

 

Now you could say it’s not your problem

It was the hand I was given

Life isn’t fair

I was found in a trash heap

And if it was up to my step-father I would have stayed there

 

Born on the bathroom floor

My momma didn’t know what to keep

And in the midst of her hysteria

She threw away me

 

My grandfather was a junkie, grandmother wasn’t there

My mother would end up as a prostitute slain

But my step-father didn’t give a fuck about my mothers situation

And he put her there

 

Nowadays, with no authority guiding me other than that of my step-father

I do whatever it takes to resist the temptation

To sell crack to my own people

And avoid the jail cell one third of us are destined to be placed in

 

I’m not sure how much it helps

But some nights I pray as I fall onto my knees

Because in my country I’m treated like an unwanted step child

And my step daddy would rather see me like strange fruit hangin

From the Poplar Trees

 

I’ve been living with my step fathers boot on my neck

As if life wasn’t hard enough in my community

Someone how I made it to and finished college

And conservatives have the nerve to say the treatment is the same

between them and me

 

Maybe I can Garner support like Eric did

But hopefully it reaches me before I die

Suffocated by a system that’s mad I ever got the chance to be alive

I just want to be Granted the freedoms that Oscar was denied

 

But we carry on day by day striving for greatness

Regardless of what they think

Because no matter what levels of success this young king reaches

They will never cut the nose off this sphinx

 

Brenda’s baby is every “urban” black boy you dehumanize

Cops drive by and stare him down

As he stares back with his Momma’s eyes

 

So long live the rose that grew from concrete

When nobody even cared

But just in case you were wondering

Brenda’s baby is still here

Mantra

For years now my brother Evandro has been trying to get me to listen to Bob Marley. He is a HUGE fan (similar to, and maybe even greater, than my fan hood for 2Pac) and has been telling me how much I would enjoy his music if I just gave it a chance. Now I’m not really sure why I never gave Bob Marley’s music a chance but for some reason I just never did. Maybe I felt I wouldn’t be able to relate or maybe I was just dumb, I don’t really know. Anyway I was listening to a J. Cole interview on NPR where he spoke on how a song can reach someone at the perfect time in their life right when they needed it most. You can hear a song and really enjoy it and probably not even fully understand it but you give it time and eventually that song, and its message might click. In the interview he actually said he goes back and every year he learns more and more from the music of Pac & Bob Marley. He spoke on how the lines “Don’t worry. About a thing. Because every little thing…” and how to a kid that doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a really catchy song that sounds really good. But to a grown man, whos been stressed about alot of things that don’t really matter, that song means the world. It’s Bob saying don’t worry about all that its going to be good. That simple potent wise phrase will forever stand the test of time.

 

Which leads me to my whole point in writing this post. There is a level that certain songs can reach that is beyond catchy and meaningful, it’s a combination of the two. A song like “3 Little Birds” and (One of my personal favorites) “A Change Is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke have become mantras.

 

As someone who’s been meditating for 2 years now I understand the importance of mantras and the effect they can have on the human mind and body. Just those lines “Don’t worry, about a thing, because every little thing…..” can completely change your mood if you say them to yourself repetitively. “A Change is Gonna Come” has been a personal favorite of mine due to all of the changes going on in my life but a song like “3 Little Birds” can help navigate through those changes. The messages are universal, clear, and necessary. And that should be the ultimate goal of artists, to create something that people can take with them throughout their day and have it impact their day in a positive manner. Greater than just your favorite song, these songs have a certain charm that remains with you even when the song is over.

 

P.S

Below are youtube links for both songs. Enjoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEBlaMOmKV4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaGUr6wzyT8

Politics as Usual

 

The two most powerful tools in politics are money & fear.

Money is brought in by the huge corporations and funneled to all of our representatives in Washington via lobbyist and a broken campaign finance system that allows the wealthy to give these ridiculously large campaign donations and if/when said politician becomes elected they are almost completely controlled by the man or company that funded them. So now think. How is that people we elect to represent us in government are selling their influence to these corporations as if they were selling shares of stock? It is because we live in a time where a Supreme Court ruling titled Citizens United (ironic) has allowed for an unregulated flow of money into politics. Thus causing politicians to care just enough about the average Americans problems to be able to campaign all across the nation “relating” to people’s struggles and begging for their vote just to not do anything about them once elected. Nothing is done because these politicians say that their debt is to the people during their campaigning, only to forget those promises and repay their actual debt to the corporate backers once in office. This isn’t just a republican or democrat thing. Politicians from every state have accepted money from big business and have worked in Washington to appease these backers and keep the cash flow coming. So the real problem here isn’t the politicians themselves, its that we live in a time where our democracy is for sale.

Fear has always been a tactic used to control people. Hitler used fear to control the German people and get them to allow him to round up the Jewish citizens and treat them however he wanted once they arrived at concentration camps. Fear was the main tool used by the then head of the FBI,J. Edgar Hoover as he pushed for the militarization of the police as the answer to the “black uprising” in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. Fear has always found its way into politics and today is used by politicians in how they will combat immigration. Fear that “too many” Mexicans will cross the border or “too many” Syrian immigrants will enter our country and ruin it from the inside is the tool some politicians are using to push for an immigration reform plan that will stunt the growth of a country that was created by immigrants. Even the idea that we entertain a candidate that called an entire country of people rapists, killers, and criminals proves that we are not as civilized a civilization as we may have previously thought.

Despite these two powerful tools we now have a candidate that refuses both in favor of the truth. Bernie is neither been bought nor has he ever turned to fear to garner support from the people. Bernie isn’t the only candidate promising to repeal Citizens United but he is the only one not benefiting from it (think about it). Bernie has not “dabbed” on national television to gain the black vote or ever called young black men “super predators” only to 20 years later call out to those same people claiming to understand that their lives matter. For those of you that have lost faith in politics I say I too believe very little in 99% of candidates. This one, however, has gotten through to me because of his unwavering support of the black community dating back to the March on Washington, his constant criticisms of the lack on income equality in the United States today and his support for debt-free college education (I once wrote a post about how ridiculous the current system is). So if you are one of those people that have given up hope then I say there is finally an answer with Bernie Sanders. But if you would prefer politics as usual then by all means vote for another candidate.

 

P.S

Enough with this “anyone but Trump” talk. If you think that way then the person that does enter the White House only has to be a little bit better than Trump for you to be satisfied. We should never allow a man like Trump to be the standard set for our next President. Educate yourself on all the candidates and choose one that best fits YOUR beliefs. 

Royalty Theory

We do not love ourselves

We love things

Some women respect loyalty  

Some women respect rings

But if we do not treat our women like royalty, 

What right do we have to call ourselves Kings? 

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I am sure we all know that pro black does not mean anti-white and that pride in the history and culture established by one’s ancestors does not condemn that which was created by others. Above all else, I am pro-people and anti system and I understand that I say all of this while living in a system that taught us to see things as black and white (no pun intended). Rather, my frustration from seeing a young black boy get being shot execution style because he was playing with a toy gun comes from the fact I was once a young black boy who liked to do the same. I was no more threatening than Tamir Rice and had as much ill intent as Emmitt Till. The frustration comes from seeing black men being shot down in the streets and knowing that man could just have easily been my brother Eddie or when a black boy is shot because the cop “mistook” his toy for a gun or his immaturity for aggressiveness I know that little boy could have easily been my nephew Nehemiah. Now if either of those two were to pass in so unjust a way, I would be outraged and want other people to see where I’m coming from and be outraged as well. So when the black man is not my brother, or the black boy is not my nephew, it would be wrong of me to turn a blind eye and act as if everything is still ok. Because the one in front of the trigger could have easily been one of us.