Chivalry

You hear a lot of people nowadays say chivalry is dead. The next thing you hear is each sex blaming the other for the death of chivalry. Is it that men just don’t care anymore or do women just aren't as receptive to chivalrous tactics anymore thus making them pointless? I've been thinking about this a lot lately so here is a blog post about chivalry.

The most popular side of the argument is that we as men just don’t care anymore. We aren't gentlemen anymore. We are more brash, ignorant, and self-centered than the men of past generations. This side is of course represented mainly by women. They feel they aren't treated and held at the same level that women of past generations were. Shit just isn't the same they say. My answer to this is that men respond to women, not the other way around. In most cases, the man approaches the women and whatever happens from there happens. The men act and the women react. The men that evoked those women to say chivalry is dead only met the standard the felt they needed to. The standard is set by women and met or surpassed by the man. Now of course in a perfect world men don’t need to see a standard and they just treat women the best way possible. But, we don’t live in a perfect world. The few men that brought a woman to say that shouldn't represent men as a whole.  So in those scenarios where chivalry seemed dead, the dude just did what he felt he needed to, thus the standard he needed to meet (which was set by the woman herself) wasn't high enough. And whose fault is that?

The other and less popular side of the argument is it was in fact, women, who killed chivalry. Men say these women just aren't receptive to chivalrous act anymore. It isn't worth it anymore. These chicks don’t deserve the door being opened for them and nice dates and all that they say. The men feel that the women today don’t hold themselves to as high of a standard as women in past generations. Shit just isn't the same they say. My answer to this is the women these dudes are talking to have no standard set thus, the ball in is the man’s court. It is then the man’s standard that is the focus. In this case, the standard of the man is low enough to meet that same woman whose standard was too low or just didn't exist. Now those women without standards should not show a man how to treat a woman that does.  So let’s say a man keeps dealing with and choosing women that in his mind don’t deserve that high level of respect and to be treated with chivalrous acts. Who is now at fault?

This is a rare scenario where I believe there are two truths.

First, as seen in both arguments, it is the person who is complaining that is usually at fault. If you complain about either sex, simply raise your standards. It really isn't that complicated. The past does not dictate the future, the present does. To put it plainly, you keep fucking with ain't-shit individuals, you will get ain't-shit results.

The second truth here blames social media. Chivalry does not exist AT ALL on social media. Chivalry on social media is deemed as “thirst”. It is so bad that even in person; chivalry can be seen as thirst. It’s almost crazy if you think about it. Maybe it’s Because of the Internet (capitalized for a reason a few people will know, if you don’t know, carry on).  Being nice, being chivalrous, is seen as thirsty and way to straight forward. I know a few women that if a door was opened for them and then the man went on to say how beautiful they are and all that; they would probably later on call him thirsty to their friends or whoever would listen.

Our generation doesn't really understand chivalry. Maybe because, for the most part, we’re more awkward. I don’t know. Maybe our generation just doesn't know how to, for the most part, find, execute, and respond to chivalry properly. What I do know is, if at least for those reasons, and at least in its old form, chivalry had to die.

P.S
Not to say that chivalry and a good response to it is impossible to find, just that the idea is endangered, thus making it very hard to find. Kinda goes along with idea of slim pickings. Good luck.

Be Great

I think a vast majority of people today feel as if they don’t matter. By that I mean they feel as if they are just a small part of this big picture. We are told as kids to dream big and as we get older society and people who have failed at their dreams pick holes in ours and deem them ridiculous (See my post “A Childish Mindset). In reality, living out your dreams really isn’t that hard. In most cases, nothing is stopping you. It is this low self-esteem that society hands us early on that makes us think that we ourselves cant possibly do something that will be seen as great.

I watched a Maya Angelou interview once where she said the problem with how history is taught. It is taught in a way that makes you think that a Malcolm X level of greatness is unreachable and that those types of people are bigger than life. In reality, these people eat, shit, and sleep just like you do. They have faults just like us, some, even more. None of these people are better than you. They may have accomplished more in certain fields but they are just men and women just like you and I.

I was an intern at Reebok for the first 6 months of this year and while there I met Swizz Beatz. The first thing I told him was that he was a huge inspiration and that it was amazing to meet him. He replies by telling me that it is in fact young people like me that inspire him to keep going. I started talking about my aspirations in life and how much I appreciate what he has done for music (Looking back, I probably was talking too much). Afterword, we dap and I go home. I tell this story because I that moment I learned someone like Swizz Beatz, a legend in Hip-Hop, is just a man, just like me. In that conversation I realized he and all other people I consider great are reachable. Their feats started with a vision and determination. Now maybe Swizz didn’t know and still doesn’t know how much that conversation had an impact on me but I plan on seeing him again later in life and I’ll explain it all then.

You probably read the last line of that last paragraph like me seeing him again and especially having another conversation is almost ridiculous. That is what I’m talking about here. It isn’t at all. Many people live with this feeling of we don’t “matter” in the big picture when we can “matter” as much as we decide we want to. We can’t just post these cliché Instagram quotes and tweet about chasing our dreams it comes a point where things have to get done. Now I know I’m writing this here on a blog and that is sort of the same as what I just criticized, but I am as if not more focused on my dreams than anyone I know.

The dream is real. You just have to go live it. Greatness is possible.

Aww fuck that probably sounded cliché as shit....

But I mean it though.

Here's Some Poetry Part 2: Phenomenal Woman

Below is a poem written by Maya Angelou.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size  

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,  

The stride of my step,  

The curl of my lips.  

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,  

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,  

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.  

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.  

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,  

And the flash of my teeth,  

The swing in my waist,  

And the joy in my feet.  

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered  

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,  

They say they still can’t see.  

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,  

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.  

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.  

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,  

The bend of my hair,  

The palm of my hand,  

The need for my care.  

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I don’t think many people have ever read this poem by Maya Angelou (someone who I think is one of the greatest people alive today), but I think it is one of her best. People will always have different opinions on what/who is phenomenal. It is more of a personal opinion. We all see our mothers, grandmothers, nieces and daughters as phenomenal along with a few other women we get the chance to meet in life. I think in this poem Maya Angelou perfectly describes what makes a woman phenomenal. Beauty clearly has something to do with it but it’s more of an inner confidence, as cliché as that may sound. I don’t think it’s cool to say shit like this nowadays, but we all know women are the greatest thing on earth. Women are involved in some way with every decision a man can make in his life while being there at the beginning (mother) and usually even at the end (wife). All women have the potential to be truly phenomenal and usually end up with the man that sees it as clearly as she does.

Women can clearly take a lot from this poem but I think men can too. If you ask a married man who is “the most beautiful women in the world”, in his opinion, based solely off of looks, he probably won’t say his wife. It may be some celebrity or even some girl at the office. I think when you ask a dude in love who the most beautiful woman is, and he truthfully answers that it is in fact his wife, then he interprets this question as “Who is the most phenomenal women in the world?”. This poem explains that phenomenon we as men see in certain women that makes us place that particular woman above the rest.

I hope y’all enjoyed the poem.

A Child-like Mindset

A child doesn't think outside the box. A child’s mindset doesn't even consider a “box” to think out of. In a child’s mind anything is possible. They don’t even need an explanation to believe why something is possible and when you tell them something isn't possible they don’t even care about anything you’re saying. The best way I can explain this is with a quick story.

A few months ago I was having a conversation with my 3 year old niece when I asked her if she wanted to be a cheerleader when she gets older like her sister. She replied no and that she would rather be a football player like her brother. I spent about 5 minutes explaining to her why she can never be a football player when I realized she did not care what I was saying. In her mind, being a football player is very possible. The problem here was not with her, it was with me. Being an adult, I lived within boundaries. But, with the way she thinks, there were none.

Now of course the chances of my niece being a football player is very slim but it’s the mindset that even something like that is possible, that I think is dope. There’s this Picasso quote that says something along the lines of we are all born artists, and then society tears that down and turns us into who we are. I think that is one of the dopest quotes ever.  I actually think that all innovative/genius ideas come from a childish mindset because to do something great, you have to completely ignore precedent.

Think of when a kid is in the middle of doing something seemingly ridiculous and you stop them and ask why they are doing that. Usually they just stare at you because they honestly cannot give you an explanation of why they’re doing what they’re doing. They just think the outcome will be cool. Now think of all those moments in history where something innovative took place. Let’s take something as simple as Michael Jackson’s moonwalk. If you asked MJ in the middle of trying it for the first time, he probably wouldn't be able to explain it to you. Instead, he followed his gut and could only show you at the end when he finished. This same thing can apply to almost every innovative moment ever.

You ever think of when you were a kid and you thought adults were so lame and boring and that you would never think like they do. Well chances are; if you’re reading this, you are much closer mentally to that lame adult than you are to that open-minded kid. Here’s another story.

I was at Macy’s with my brother and nephew shopping for my nephew when, while in the kids section, my nephew decides now is a great time to play a quick game of tag. He asks me to play and I join him in this light game of tag, of course, because I’m the coolest uncle of all time. While playing around, an old black lady that works at Macy’s walked by and said to me “Aren't you too old to be playing around in a store?” My nephew kept on playing because he could care less about this lady or her opinion but I stopped. Eventually he realized it was over and found something else to amuse himself with but later on, I apologized to him. My nephew is 3 so he doesn't really care much for apologies but I apologized because I let the old lady turn his cool uncle into a lame adult.

There was this Kanye interview I once watched where he referenced this same idea I'm talking about here. He said when you're a kid you run around shouting your ideas and what you believe in because nothing is preventing you from having that mindset. You're free mentally. But, when you're an adult you move slower and pick and choose when you want to let your ideas be known and are almost help back by limits society placed on you as you got older.

I’m not saying we should all act like children or even think like children all the time. I’m saying that from a childish mindset, great things can happen. If you are thinking everything that is possible has already been done, and live within the limits currently placed, how is life ever supposed to get better? You know how society tells kids growing that anything is possible? The truth is kids already think anything is possible. We should be saying that to the adults.

Here's Some Poetry

Below is a poem written by my brother Evandro.

Niggas

*Read This in Bernie Mac’s Voice*

Niggas ain’t ever late

But never on time

Niggas always get arrested

But never commit a crime

Niggas always got reasons

Never excuses

Niggas always got dreams

But never do shit

Niggas say they will

But never do

Niggas make claims

But most untrue

Niggas say they the best

But never prove

Niggas in last place

But never lose

Niggas sound stupid

Saying ignorant remarks

Niggas fight amongst themselves

Lights vs Darks

Niggas are ignorant

And ignorance is blind

Ignorance doesn’t live in pigment

It lives in the mind

I think this poem is incredible. When I first read this poem on his blog I actually didn’t believe he wrote it and not because I didn’t think he was capable, but because I didn’t think he would ever be interested in writing a poem. This poem is genius because it is funny, makes you think, and in the end, is very true.

In terms of nigga being seen as a black only thing, this pretend difference we put on nigger and nigga is pretty stupid. Its the same word. No "power" is being taken out of the word if certain people still cant say it. To me, a nigga and a nigger are the same thing, an ignorant motherfucker. Although I do say it in conversation alot, I still see it as wrong. However, I do completely agree with the word in the way Evandro used it in the poem.

P.S

Below I have Evandro’s three best blog post (in my opinion) that y’all should check out. (The links are attached)

Lego or Block?

False Humility

I’m A Pretty Shallow Guy

I hope y’all enjoyed the poem.

Ma$e

Growing up with 3 older brothers, I was exposed to Hip-Hop a lot as a kid. My earliest memories are of my older brothers playing NaS, Biggie, 2Pac, and Jay-Z a lot during my early years and I remember, at the time, not really liking any of that music that much. I lived a pretty normal live and back then, just like now, I was in a pretty good mood for the majority of my days. Hip-Hop during this time I’m talking about (1996-1998) was all about being a gangsta and being the toughest dude out and all of that wasn't really that cool to me. As a kid, I thought I wouldn't like rap when I was older. The music didn't really speak to me. However, when I was 5 years old a girl my brother had over, (I really believed this dude when he said they were just in there playing PlayStation in there) told me that she thought I looked like Ma$e. Now, at the time I knew who Ma$e was only because I saw him in the old Bad Boy videos with the shiny suits dancing next to Biggie and Puff Daddy. I thought he was pretty cool but I didn't really see any resemblance between us. I figure she only said this because I had a big ass head and smiled all the damn time like he did but anyway; somehow I took that as a compliment.

I started to look out for Ma$e when his songs came on and listen to me when I tell you I truly believed I should have been one of those kids dancing in those old Bad Boy videos. I would've rocked one of those shiny suits like the shit was custom tailored for me (shit, I even used to try the dance moves in the mirror). I thought it was cool that he was the dude that was from Harlem and surrounded by all these gangstas yet he was still just trying to make people feel good. He made the music that he wanted to make and people just happened to love it. I think that is how I approach many aspects of my life today but anyway, back to the story. A few days later my mom was going down the street to go shopping and I decided to tag along with her with the intention of buying my first Hip-Hop album.

While my mom was shopping in Marshall's, I told her I was going to be right back as I ran across the street to go to this music store they had at the time called Strawberry’s. I went in there, slammed my 10 dollars on the counter and demanded the Ma$e album. Ma$e had two albums out at the time so I bought the first album because I was more familiar with the songs. Mannn I was so happy I walked back over to Marshall's with a pep in my step as I was already bumping “Feel So Good” in my head. This joy would come to a screeching halt as I ripped the plastic off my fresh copy of “Harlem World” and could hear my name yelled with a high volume that can only be reached by an angry Haitian woman.  My mom was pissed at me for being gone so long (Haitian women exaggerate) and yelled at me in the car the whole way home.

I get home to show my brothers that I am as cool as them now because I now also have a favorite rapper like them and they started clowning me. It turns out weeks before, Ma$e had decided to leave rap altogether and become a pastor. It was no longer cool to like Ma$e but I still listened to and loved that Harlem World album nonetheless. I also respected that Ma$e went against the grain again as he did when he was the “happy rapper” to when he became the rapper turned preacher. I credit Ma$e with my love for Hip-Hop and for being the first person I saw growing up that wasn't really affected by what was going on around him. My favorite artist ever is Kanye West who has admitted to being heavily influenced by Ma$e, but, Ma$e is still my first favorite rapper.  When I tell people that Ma$e is one of my idols they look at me crazy but there is a reason why. He managed to care what people just enough to not let it affect what it is that he intends to do.

P.S

I have other people I idolize such as Maya Angelou, Muhammad Ali, Magic Johnson, and Pharrell. But, because Ma$e is the most unique answer I have to the question of “Who do you/ did you idolize growing up?” I decided to write a blog post about why I hold him in such high regard.

Maktub

I was on a bus to Washington D.C when I started reading the book “The Alchemist” by Paul Coelho. It is a really good book that I think everybody should read but while reading the book three quotes stood out to me. I am not overly religious or anything and this is not a post about religion, or a summary of the book, but rather a look at three things that fascinated me most about the book and why.

“Every blessing ignored becomes a curse.”

The above quote is one of my favorite quotes I have read in a long time. The meaning is pretty clear as it means we are all bestowed blessings in life. Whether it be opportunities lost, the people that came into our lives, or that which we have had all along. I believe a blessing is something that somehow found its way into our lives that we are grateful for. I think of curse as any thought that doesn’t evoke positive thoughts until you can forget about it. Think of anybody from your past that you could have been with or a situation you screwed up (we’ve all been on both sides of that one). That is the blessing ignored and the thoughts of what could have been are the curse. Think of those moments in life where you were at a fork in the road and later on you think you should have went the other way. Once you have seen the heights you are capable of reaching, anything below that seems disappointing. Those thoughts of what could have been and the realizations of how much better things could be are the curse. Whether you love the quote or not, we all agree with it. We just choose to use the label regrets instead.

“Maktub”

The word maktub which is an Arab phrase that in the book is said to translate to “it is written”. In the book it is said to the main character by a merchant in a way to tell him that everything happens for a reason and that everything in the world is connected in one way or another. It is almost the answer to the first quote because it is meant to say that you have to keep moving and not dwell on the past. If every blessing ignored is a curse, then you just have to learn to live with the curse if the situation is now out of your control. Maktub is a way to say that there is no way to hold back the river that is life. Instead you have to keep on rowing and not try to stall the river.

“It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.” 

This is another simple quote that means a lot. We all have a dream of some sort that we want to come true. It is this that makes life interesting. Imagine life like a coloring book. When a kid gets a coloring book you notice them having the most fun drawing when they are at the beginning and starting to pick colors and while they are actually doing the coloring. Rarely does a child have the most fun at the end of coloring all the pictures (usually they never open the book ever again). This is like a dream. The most fun and interesting part is the imagining of what exactly you want and the actually going out to get it. This usually spans the better part of a lifetime and at the end, once the dream is achieved, we feel accomplished. It was the road to the dream that kept us interested and focused day in and day out similar to it is the child’s vision on how great the picture will turn out that keeps them drawing.

I encourage everybody to read the book. It is only about 160 pages and I doubt any book so short will make you think as much as this one will.

Good Morning

I usually don’t post on Instagram and twitter about my opener posts but this one is different. This one is different because I am at my best ever right now. By that I mean I feel pretty good about every aspect of life. I’m in a space right now that makes me feel that age 21 and the year 2014 may be the best year of my life. The people in my life are great too and as you can see from previous blog posts such as “A Good Friend With Good Friends’ and “The People You Surround Yourself With”, I will put all “coolness” aside to show other people’s effect on me.

*Quick Story*

When I was about 6 or 7 I used to write about everything in this notebook I had. I would write stories, random thoughts, and I even wrote some fictional stories. I never really shared the notebook with anybody though. Maybe I was embarrassed or something but anyway, nobody ever read it until this one day I came home from school and my older brother was reading a fictional story I wrote about me and my cousins as like superheroes or something. Clearly, since I was about 6, the stories were horribly written. My brothers clowned me about it and I never wrote in the notebook again and eventually threw it out. This is the new notebook.

*End Of Story*

I named this post “Good Morning” for a few reasons. The first being that “Good Morning” is something people usually say at the beginning of their day when they feel good and want everyone they come in contact with to feel the same. I feel great about everything right now and want everyone to feel it too. The second reason being that it is the first post of this December batch. My birthday is this month and I feel great about being able to turn 21 and I am very excited to close the 20 year old chapter of my life. Today, December 1st, is the beginning of the end of this chapter.  The third and not so profound reason being that it is the name of the intro on my favorite Kanye West album. As always, I write in this thing to share the thoughts that go on under these waves. I love to make people laugh, and almost as much as I love that, I love to make people think. I try to accomplish both here and I think I’m doing a pretty good job if I do say so myself.

I was sitting in my car one day when a great fucking idea came to me. I am going to write 10 more posts on my blog between December 1st-20th and post one every 2 days, the last of which I’m going to post on December 19th, the day before my 21st birthday. This will count as the first post. I actually already have the concepts for the other posts in mind and think these are my best yet. Well actually, let’s be honest. These might not be my best but hey, they are pretty fucking good. I of course will believe these are my best because I believe that I am getting better overall every day and these are my most recent ideas and stories. But, maybe you’ll like where I was at mentally before more than you like where I’m at now. I don’t really know, it’s entirely up to you. *shrugs*

Pardon My Hubris

*Real Quick*

Hubris means over-bearing pride or arrogance. I’m not giving the definition assuming people are dumb, I just didn't know the definition until about a week ago so I’m just assuming most people didn't know.

*Moving On*

A person’s hubris leads to conflict and problems in their lives every single day. For the most part, everybody thinks they have it all figured out. You will especially think so if you scroll your Instagram and twitter timelines in the morning and read all the cliché motivational quotes that people post on a daily basis. I used to be a fan of these posts and quotes until I realized that in reality, they mean nothing. We all have a certain amount of pride and a bit of arrogance in certain situations. For example, people hate to be wrong. There is a feeling of failure associated with being wrong when in reality you succeeded in learning something. Being wrong, especially when other people see us be wrong, hurts our pride a little bit and that’s where the hate of being wrong comes from. Imagine a conversation with a drug dealer. Even though there are movies that portray that the end of that story isn't a happy one and even real life situations rarely, if ever, end positively, that drug dealer would probably tell you that they have it all figured out and that their ending won’t be the same. That arrogance is what drives them. I know the drug dealer example doesn't exactly translate to everybody’s life but the same scenario and thought process can translate to almost any situation. You can’t expect to travel the same road and end up somewhere different. We all want to feel we have it all figured out and our arrogance plays a factor when someone challenges the claim. For the most part, we either deem the person wrong or it escalates into an argument or even something more which is when pride once again becomes a factor. A person’s hubris doesn't allow them to welcome being wrong and slows down their adjustment to change which blocks the flow of learning.

I say this to then say that to this point, me writing these blog posts have almost been me thinking out loud. Even the posts like “Read This Before Drake’s Album Drops” and “Hoes Love Marilyn Monroe”, even though they are based on a joke are actually things I actually think about. I write them in joke form because I know people will love them even more. Some posts, I couldn't write in joke form but I wrote anyway because I just wanted people to read it and see where I’m coming from. I’m a very self-aware person. I don’t feel I have anything to prove to any specific person, only more that I can prove to myself. I don’t ever feel the need to engage other people’s egos. Rarely does any good come from that. However when you don’t engage someone’s ego, you can come off as arrogant. I watched a Jay-Z interview where when arrogance was brought up he said “No I’m not arrogant; I just don’t want to engage with you about stupid shit”. I think like that sometimes. I don’t ever want to come off as arrogant because if there is anything I know it is that I don’t know everything. From an outsider’s perspective, I can see how a lot of what I've written can be seen as wrong. Even though I don’t agree, I can see what place that opinion would come from. I heard an opinion once that my blog posts seem like sometimes I'm trying to tell people how to live. I'm actually doing nothing of the sort. I'm showing how another way of thinking that some may agree with and some may not, I know I'm not perfect. I actually try to write these posts without much editing because I think flaws can be dope if we let them be. This post for example, I am writing on a Monday afternoon and I probably won’t re-read it until sometime in the next week or so. Then again farther down the road to evaluate myself in a way. We are all creatures of habit. However, you rarely learn much sticking to habit. There are few things as dope to me as when someone challenges and idea of mine and properly proves how I’m wrong and why I shouldn't think like that. Another dope scenario is when someone agrees with an idea of mine and helps me expand on it. Both scenarios lead to more learning and have almost nothing to do with pride and arrogance.